ADDICTED TO PORN
I was 11 years old when I had a taste of my first porn view. A guy friend of mine who was so obsessed with me but who I didn’t like gave me a sealed brown envelope. When I got home, I opened the package and it was a Playboy magazine. I remembered looking at it with my eight year old sister and we were just so grossed out but giggling at the same time. Little did I know that the first seed of lust was already planted in me.
Not long after that, I discovered some xxx videos in my parent’s bedroom. I didn’t know what an x-rated video was, let alone a triple x. Those were the days when the videos were still on betamax and not even VHS. I got curious and watched it. That was the beginning of my porn exposure. And even during those times when I wasn’t watching, I had it all in my mind which I was able to switch on if I wanted some fantasies.
I thought it was just normal, except for the fact that I was probably too young to be looking at stuff like that. The mere fact that my parents just left those videos by the TV in their bedroom and not even in their closet made me feel that it was ok.
I thought it was just normal, except for the fact that I was probably too young to be looking at stuff like that. The mere fact that my parents just left those videos by the TV in their bedroom and not even in their closet made me feel that it was ok.
This mindset of “It’s okay” makes a lot of people unaware of the evil effects of porn. I know of Christians (or at least they claim to be) who view porn on a regular basis, saying that it helps them maintain a good sex life in marriage. This is a total distortion. Hebrews 13:4 says…LET THE MARRIAGE BED BE UNDEFILED.
My porn addiction totally distorted the beauty and purity of sex in my mind. It opened doors for promiscuity. It made me lust after women … yes, women and not even men. Viewing porn made me want women more than men. It also made me rely on porn (or from some of those vivid thoughts that were stored in my mind) for satisfaction.
This addiction found its way deep into my soul. It was surely not an easy habit to break. I wouldn’t have done it on my own. Being reborn was only the first step. The next steps entailed what Paul explains in Roman 12:1: Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your minds. It took a complete overhaul of my mind, which God is not done with.
Porn can be very inviting for those who have opened the portal to it. It keeps calling you back. It keeps making you want to get that “fix” from it. It never ends. It makes you want more and more. It is like a virus that spreads so fast in your brain, penetrating every cell. It traps you in that realm, making you believe that it is reality more than fantasy. The more you watch, the more thoughts will get stored in your brain. It is like files that you keep adding or downloading to your computer.
This is the reason why God had to do a complete overhaul of my brain. So many files were stored, and each file even had a sub file. Overhauling my mind was not just a matter of deleting these files but totally reprogramming it with new files … God’s files … His Word … His standards.
This is what happened to me. I got sick and tired of my sexual relationships, got reborn, and had a revelation from the Lord that He was going to give me back what the enemy has stolen from me. This includes “marriage” (I was divorced at that time). I wanted a clean slate. I was so desperate to be married God’s way, and in accordance to His standards. I wanted to experience sex beautifully, the way He designed it.
My desperation to experience sex the way God created it … in the context of marriage … in its purest form, made me surrender totally to God with regards to my porn addiction and all other lust issues that went with it. Was it easy? Not at all! If I entertain a single lustful thought in my mind right now, I can easily go down that path. If I am not careful and vigilant about what I allow my eyes to see, my ears to hear, and my mind to think, I can easily go back to my past without even intentionally doing it. This is how serious I am in being delivered.
So can I say that I am totally delivered? Yes I am … for as long as I continue to remain in His presence. A millisecond away from the presence of God can make me very vulnerable to the attack of the enemy. This is how I’ve always looked at my walk, and the reason why God has kept me on my toes.
I want to be honest with you. I don’t believe you are a true believer of Jesus Christ if you haven’t totally surrendered yourself to Him. If you are still viewing porn and not even being convicted of it, then don’t tell me you are a Christian. If you are being convicted but you continue to do it, without any effort on your part, then I still won’t consider you a truly reborn Christian. If you are still struggling with it but you continue to surrender to Jesus, and you renew your minds by spending time with the Word of God, then I know you are serious about being a true follower of Jesus.
So if you are a true follower of Jesus and you want to be totally delivered from porn or any lustful thoughts, do what I did and what I continue to do.
Lisa Maki
18 March 2015
Republished from 2012 archive
18 March 2015
Republished from 2012 archive
