avoiding fornication
Fornication is a strange word for those who are not aware of the Bible. Incidentally, you can be a Christian, or call yourself a Christian, without knowing and understanding what this word really means. I for myself grew up as a Catholic, and still knew nothing about it. All I knew was that you can’t be too young to have sex.
I was only 14 when I lost my virginity, so I knew it was not right. However, I justified it by thinking to myself that I will end up marrying my boyfriend someday. I locked myself in that kind of thinking and made myself his wife. Thus, I allowed him to control me. I followed everything he said and wanted me to do. Eventually I ended up marrying him after I got pregnant. And since the relationship started on sin, it crumbled. I ended up divorced with two children who got hurt as a result. My early exposure to sex opened doors of promiscuity for me, even during and after the marriage.
I was 33 years old and was in a relationship with a married man when I seriously surrendered my life to Jesus. Though I knew that fornication is a sin, I looked at myself as the common-law wife since we have been together for a while and he was estranged from his wife. It wasn’t until the scales fell off my eyes when I realized that I was not only in a fornicating relationship but in an adulterous relationship. My awakening led me to finally put a stop to my sexual sin and pursue a life of holiness. No more justifications. No more compromise.
Until we realize why God does not allow fornication, and that it is for our own good, we will not even take it so seriously. Some Christian couples who love each other and who are planning to get married think that it is okay to have sex before marriage. There are those who think that fornication is just sexual intercourse in itself, and that heavy petting is okay. Very few have drawn the line in this area; these are those who are truly enjoying the rewards of sex in marriage.
Sex was designed by God for marriage, between a husband and his wife. It is for this reason why anything outside of God’s design will not work the way He intended it to be. It doesn’t matter if you love each other so much. If you are not married, then having sex ruins its natural purpose. And even if you end up married later on, you still opened the gift before its time, and therefore destroyed the element of surprise. More than this is the fact that every sin brings about its consequence, even after you repent for it.
Bearing this in mind is still not enough to ensure that you are not going to do it. For those who are still virgins, it may be easier; yet for those who have experienced fornication in the past, it is not going to be that easy. However, it can be done. All it takes is your seriousness to obey God and His Word, the discipline to stay out of temptation, and a lot of common sense.
Below are some tips that will help you from falling into this trap. Some are from my own personal experiences; others are from people I know and have talked to.
do not awaken love until it pleases
(song of solomon 8:4)
This is my most favorite advice to give, and which makes the most sense. Why make it difficult for yourself, right? In all the stories in the Bible of the man meeting the woman, we do not see any dating, really. Abraham sent his servant to look for a wife for his son Isaac. He found Rebecca and brought him back to Isaac and they were married. Jacob saw Rachel and would have married her right there, but Laban gave a condition of working for him seven years for Rachel. Of course we know the rest of the story ... how Laban tricked Jacob, and he had to work again for another seven years. Moses met Zipporah’s sisters first, and Jethro, Zipporah’s father, gave his daughter to Moses as wife. The list goes on. The point is, why get into a relationship if you are not even ready for marriage? Why tempt yourself? And even if you are ready for marriage, a long engagement is not really necessary. This just intensifies your desire for each other, and may cause you to eventually fornicate.
The problem with a lot of women I counsel is that they mistake marriage for a wedding. Although they can be the same, a wedding is more of a ceremony where the bride can showcase her gown, her hair, her entourage, the reception, etc. It is her day, her dream. This definitely requires money and a lot of preparation.
If you want a nice wedding and do not have the money for it now, then get married in very simple rites, and have your celebration later on, when you can afford it. Do not postpone your marriage just because you do not have the funds for a wedding.
The problem with a lot of women I counsel is that they mistake marriage for a wedding. Although they can be the same, a wedding is more of a ceremony where the bride can showcase her gown, her hair, her entourage, the reception, etc. It is her day, her dream. This definitely requires money and a lot of preparation.
If you want a nice wedding and do not have the money for it now, then get married in very simple rites, and have your celebration later on, when you can afford it. Do not postpone your marriage just because you do not have the funds for a wedding.
focus on god, not on getting married
I have counseled so many single women whose desperation to get married led them to sin. They lost their focus on God. They got so consumed with God’s promise for a husband for them, and they got deceived.
Listen to me, ladies. God knows who that man is and when it is going to be. Rest in that and only in that. Do not try to figure out who and when and how it is going to be. Instead, keep yourselves busy being intimate with God. Soak in His presence. Study His Word. By doing these you will become very sensitive to His voice. You will know if it is time. You will know who it is. You will not be deceived by men trying to convince you that they are the one.
Study the story of Rebecca. When Abraham’s servant told her that she was going to be Isaac’s wife, she already knew. She was ready.
Listen to me, ladies. God knows who that man is and when it is going to be. Rest in that and only in that. Do not try to figure out who and when and how it is going to be. Instead, keep yourselves busy being intimate with God. Soak in His presence. Study His Word. By doing these you will become very sensitive to His voice. You will know if it is time. You will know who it is. You will not be deceived by men trying to convince you that they are the one.
Study the story of Rebecca. When Abraham’s servant told her that she was going to be Isaac’s wife, she already knew. She was ready.
do not isolate yourselves from others
Isolating yourself from people is a prime set up to fall. You need strong men and women of God around you, more so married couples. Establish accountability partners who will constantly check on you, to see if you are still on track. Be involved in ministry and church activities together. Serve God together. Pray together. You will never be able to sin in the presence of God.
avoid places where you will be left alone
No matter how strong you are, once you are alone together, it is so easy to get carried away. Then what? I know someone who stayed in a hotel with the man she was dating. She said that they vowed to each other that they will not even stay in the same bed and that they will be praying and studying the Word. Guess what? They ended up in bed together and were not able to pray or study the Word. They fornicated and broke up after that.
watch what you wear and what you say
Women, until you are married, do not wear anything that may tempt the man you are with. You may want to look good for him and you can still look good for him without exposing your breasts or legs, or wearing tight clothes that reveal your shape.
Watch what you say, as well. Avoid talking about very intimate things like what you will do to each other once you are married. You are just setting yourself up to stumble.
Watch what you say, as well. Avoid talking about very intimate things like what you will do to each other once you are married. You are just setting yourself up to stumble.
Lastly, I want to share something that I have learned from my husband. It is actually for men. My husband quotes Ephesians 5:25-27 as his reference.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
My husband said that this applies not only to present husbands but for husbands-to-be.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
My husband said that this applies not only to present husbands but for husbands-to-be.
Single man of God, that single woman with you and who you plan to make your future wife is to be presented before God “spot-free” and without blemish. When you commit sexual immorality with her through fornication, you defile her, and therefore you violate God’s command of presenting her “spot-free”. And if you are messing with a woman who you do not even intend to marry, then you commit not only fornication but adultery, because she is somebody else’s wife.
Think about this.
And for women, do not allow any man to steal from you that gift that is only for your husband, in marriage. A man who can’t wait until the right time is definitely not the right one.
And for women, do not allow any man to steal from you that gift that is only for your husband, in marriage. A man who can’t wait until the right time is definitely not the right one.
Lisa Maki
22 March 2015
22 March 2015
