Bad Girl vs. Good Girl
September 2012
It was summer and I was 12 years old. I joined the volleyball team in our village and I was so overwhelmed with all the fun and all the guys. I remember seeing this group of 18 year old girls in their short shorts and puffing their cigarettes, while all the guys were drooling over them. I thought the girls were so cool! That was when I decided to be like them.
The next day I came to our volleyball practice in my shortest shorts. Our coach approached me and said, “Why are you dressed like that”? I said, “What’s the problem with this? All the other girls out there are wearing the same thing”. And then he said, “But you are not like them”. I didn’t understand it then. I ignored him and continued to act like those older, cooler girls.
It was then that guys started paying more attention to me and even fighting over me. I thought it was a good thing. It felt good, that’s for sure ... but not for long. Soon I met this guy who became my first biggest crush. He was older and was really good with girls. Since I was so confident at that time, I knew he would like me. I began to flirt with him and he returned the gesture. Not long after that, he befriended my parents and he won their hearts. He then became a constant guest in our house, almost like a family member.
Though I was acting way beyond my age at that time, I was still every inch a kid. I didn’t know anything about kissing, let alone making out. This guy, my crush, probably didn’t know how innocent I was. What he saw was a girl giving him all the signals. So one day, while I was in my bedroom reading my fairytale book, he sneaked in my room and kissed me with his tongue. I thought it was gross but I just played along. Days later he came to our house at night, and when my parents were finally asleep, he started doing things to me that I knew nothing about. I felt something was wrong but I enjoyed the attention he was giving me. I didn’t even know what he did to me until a guy friend of mine called me towards him one day and said, “Do you know that David (not his real name) has been spreading news about you”? So I asked what the news was about and my friend said, “He is telling everyone that he got to 3rd base with you”. He just didn’t use the term 3rd base but the actual thing he did to me. I was so shocked because as I’ve said, I didn’t even know what he did to me. I was also very embarrassed and felt very much violated.
More guys wanted to be with me after that news spread in our village. People started gossiping about me too. That’s when I realized that this was not the kind of attention I was looking for.
Those summer memories never left me but continued to haunt me. I wanted to get away from that bad reputation that I created for myself and the mess I got myself into. You know what? It took years before I was able to prove to men that I was not the kind of girl they thought I was.
Girls, I want you to realize something. It is true that guys pay more attention to girls who are hotter or those labeled as the bad girls. If you’re trying to be a good girl, more so if you are obeying God’s Word, you will surely be challenged. One young Christian girl told me that she is trying so hard but it seems that every guy she meets prefers the bad girl type.
Guess what? My husband who used to love women and who have been with so many of these bad girl types told me that guys would still prefer a modest girl for someone to take seriously. I asked him, “so what about those good girls who nobody is paying attention to? Isn’t that a lot of pressure for them?” He said, “they don’t need the attention of guys...their bodies are for their future husbands to see, and not for every other guy to see”.
See that, girls? That’s straight from the mouth of a guy who has had his share of so many girls in his past. If you will bear in mind that God designed you to be somebody else’s wife someday, and that you should preserve your body for your future husband and prince charming, then what the heck if no guy pays attention to you now. You don’t have to act like those bad girls and get the kind of attention I got when I was a teenager.
Besides, a guy who only wants you for your body doesn’t deserve you in the first place. He is one of those cheap guys who don’t even know what they want. Don’t waste your time on such a loser.
Believe me, that incident I had with that guy who molested me remained with me for a long time, affecting even my relationships. It distorted a lot of things in my mind and made me very distrustful of men and even of love.
It doesn’t have to happen to you. And if it has already happened to you, Jesus can heal you, restore you, and make you whole. But this time around, follow His instructions for you. He wants you to preserve yourself for the man He has designed for you, your future husband. Save that beautiful present for him.
And one last thing, bad girls are a dime in a dozen. Be the rare and precious woman that God called you to be, not just like every other girl out there.
~Lisa Maki~
The next day I came to our volleyball practice in my shortest shorts. Our coach approached me and said, “Why are you dressed like that”? I said, “What’s the problem with this? All the other girls out there are wearing the same thing”. And then he said, “But you are not like them”. I didn’t understand it then. I ignored him and continued to act like those older, cooler girls.
It was then that guys started paying more attention to me and even fighting over me. I thought it was a good thing. It felt good, that’s for sure ... but not for long. Soon I met this guy who became my first biggest crush. He was older and was really good with girls. Since I was so confident at that time, I knew he would like me. I began to flirt with him and he returned the gesture. Not long after that, he befriended my parents and he won their hearts. He then became a constant guest in our house, almost like a family member.
Though I was acting way beyond my age at that time, I was still every inch a kid. I didn’t know anything about kissing, let alone making out. This guy, my crush, probably didn’t know how innocent I was. What he saw was a girl giving him all the signals. So one day, while I was in my bedroom reading my fairytale book, he sneaked in my room and kissed me with his tongue. I thought it was gross but I just played along. Days later he came to our house at night, and when my parents were finally asleep, he started doing things to me that I knew nothing about. I felt something was wrong but I enjoyed the attention he was giving me. I didn’t even know what he did to me until a guy friend of mine called me towards him one day and said, “Do you know that David (not his real name) has been spreading news about you”? So I asked what the news was about and my friend said, “He is telling everyone that he got to 3rd base with you”. He just didn’t use the term 3rd base but the actual thing he did to me. I was so shocked because as I’ve said, I didn’t even know what he did to me. I was also very embarrassed and felt very much violated.
More guys wanted to be with me after that news spread in our village. People started gossiping about me too. That’s when I realized that this was not the kind of attention I was looking for.
Those summer memories never left me but continued to haunt me. I wanted to get away from that bad reputation that I created for myself and the mess I got myself into. You know what? It took years before I was able to prove to men that I was not the kind of girl they thought I was.
Girls, I want you to realize something. It is true that guys pay more attention to girls who are hotter or those labeled as the bad girls. If you’re trying to be a good girl, more so if you are obeying God’s Word, you will surely be challenged. One young Christian girl told me that she is trying so hard but it seems that every guy she meets prefers the bad girl type.
Guess what? My husband who used to love women and who have been with so many of these bad girl types told me that guys would still prefer a modest girl for someone to take seriously. I asked him, “so what about those good girls who nobody is paying attention to? Isn’t that a lot of pressure for them?” He said, “they don’t need the attention of guys...their bodies are for their future husbands to see, and not for every other guy to see”.
See that, girls? That’s straight from the mouth of a guy who has had his share of so many girls in his past. If you will bear in mind that God designed you to be somebody else’s wife someday, and that you should preserve your body for your future husband and prince charming, then what the heck if no guy pays attention to you now. You don’t have to act like those bad girls and get the kind of attention I got when I was a teenager.
Besides, a guy who only wants you for your body doesn’t deserve you in the first place. He is one of those cheap guys who don’t even know what they want. Don’t waste your time on such a loser.
Believe me, that incident I had with that guy who molested me remained with me for a long time, affecting even my relationships. It distorted a lot of things in my mind and made me very distrustful of men and even of love.
It doesn’t have to happen to you. And if it has already happened to you, Jesus can heal you, restore you, and make you whole. But this time around, follow His instructions for you. He wants you to preserve yourself for the man He has designed for you, your future husband. Save that beautiful present for him.
And one last thing, bad girls are a dime in a dozen. Be the rare and precious woman that God called you to be, not just like every other girl out there.
~Lisa Maki~
