BECOMING ONE
Marriage is the most beautiful creation of God and marks the beginning and end of His book. It is for this very reason why marriage is so sacred, and should be treated with utmost respect.
What I will explain in this article, as the Holy Spirit revealed to me, is the very essence of marriage – its core value and substance.
What I will explain in this article, as the Holy Spirit revealed to me, is the very essence of marriage – its core value and substance.
In Genesis 1:26, God said: Let Us [Father, Son, and Holy Spirit] make mankind in Our image, after Our likeness, and let them have complete authority over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the [tame] beasts, and over all of the earth, and over everything that creeps upon the earth.
Verse 27 says: So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them.
These two verses explain the very essence of marriage. God created the man and the woman, in marriage, in His likeness, to represent Him.
God possesses character traits that He distributed respectively to the man and the woman. His bold and fierce nature represents more of His masculine side, while His sympathetic, caring nature represents more of His feminine side. The man and woman, together in marriage, were created to represent the fullness of God. This is its very essence.
God possesses character traits that He distributed respectively to the man and the woman. His bold and fierce nature represents more of His masculine side, while His sympathetic, caring nature represents more of His feminine side. The man and woman, together in marriage, were created to represent the fullness of God. This is its very essence.
In Isaiah 46:10, God says: I make known the end from the beginning. This means that God shows the end result first, or the ultimate purpose.
The ultimate process of marriage is to represent the fullness of God. Getting to that point is a process called becoming one.
The process is laid down in Scripture – both in the Old and New Testament.
Let us look at Genesis 2:21-24.
The process is laid down in Scripture – both in the Old and New Testament.
Let us look at Genesis 2:21-24.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and while he slept, He took one of his ribs or a part of his side and closed up the [place with] flesh.
And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
Then Adam said, this [creature] is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of a man.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
The underlined phrases are the steps to this process. This process is God’s role and the man’s role.
And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
Then Adam said, this [creature] is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of a man.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
The underlined phrases are the steps to this process. This process is God’s role and the man’s role.
1st step: God causes the man to fall into a deep sleep.
This means that the man is no longer conscious of what is going on. He has given himself and surrendered totally to God.
Until the man has totally surrendered to God and His choice for a wife for him, he will not find the woman who God intended for him.
Until the man has totally surrendered to God and His choice for a wife for him, he will not find the woman who God intended for him.
2nd step: While the man is sleeping, God begins the process.
3rd step: God begins to build up the woman.
This means that God starts preparing her. The preparation for the woman only begins when God has finally started the process in the man.
4th step: He brought her to the man.
It is God who is going to bring the woman to the man, and not the other way around. This means that it is the man who will look for the woman and not the woman looking for the man. This has always been the case with marriages in the Bible. Rebekah was brought to Isaac. Jacob found Rachel. Moses found Zipporah.
5th step: The woman becomes one with the man – bone of his bones, flesh of his flesh – in marriage.
This is the "marriage" -- the initial phase of “becoming one”.
6th step: The man shall leave his father and mother.
This means that the man is now the head of his new family, and shall be responsible for them. It also means that he shall recognize that his new family (wife and children) is now his priority, and that they are greater than his former family (father, mother).
This is the first responsibility of the husband in the “becoming one” process. Until he does this, the “becoming one” will not even begin.
This is the first responsibility of the husband in the “becoming one” process. Until he does this, the “becoming one” will not even begin.
7th step: The husband unites with his wife.
This is the second responsibility of the husband in the “becoming one” process.
This means that he shall recognize that there are two people in the marriage, and that he has to include her, at all times, in all his decisions. He has to recognize her preferences, her nature, her feelings, and her thoughts.
This means that he shall recognize that there are two people in the marriage, and that he has to include her, at all times, in all his decisions. He has to recognize her preferences, her nature, her feelings, and her thoughts.
8th step: The husband cleaves to his wife.
This is the third responsibility of the husband in the “becoming one” process.
“Cleave to” means stick to, hold tightly to, stick to like glue, and tightly embrace. The wife becomes the main priority of the husband – over his career, his friends, and even ministry.
The sad part is, this “cleaving part” is totally neglected and ignored in most marriages, more so Christian marriages, and more so marriages of Christian leaders. A lot of church leaders I know have prioritized their ministry and congregation over their wives. No wonder we have a lot of unhappy wives and breaking marriages in church leadership.
“Cleave to” means stick to, hold tightly to, stick to like glue, and tightly embrace. The wife becomes the main priority of the husband – over his career, his friends, and even ministry.
The sad part is, this “cleaving part” is totally neglected and ignored in most marriages, more so Christian marriages, and more so marriages of Christian leaders. A lot of church leaders I know have prioritized their ministry and congregation over their wives. No wonder we have a lot of unhappy wives and breaking marriages in church leadership.
The ultimate role of the husband in the “becoming one” process is found in Ephesians 5:25.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
Giving up his own life for his wife, the same way Christ did for the church, His bride, is the supreme role of the husband in marriage. It is also the sum total of all his other roles and responsibilities.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
Giving up his own life for his wife, the same way Christ did for the church, His bride, is the supreme role of the husband in marriage. It is also the sum total of all his other roles and responsibilities.
How about the wife? What are her roles in the “becoming one” process?
Ephesians 5:23-24 says: Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.
The wife’s primary role is to “submit” and “adapt” herself to her husband, as a service to the Lord. Unless the wife recognizes the sovereignty of God in her life and in her marriage, she won’t understand the concept of submitting to her husband. And until she fully understands that her marriage is for God and about God, she will have a very difficult time fulfilling this role.
Submitting and adapting are synonymous to each other, when it comes to the wife’s role in “becoming one” in marriage. By understanding the meaning of “adapting to”, it will also be easier for the wife to understand the total concept of submission.
The wife’s primary role is to “submit” and “adapt” herself to her husband, as a service to the Lord. Unless the wife recognizes the sovereignty of God in her life and in her marriage, she won’t understand the concept of submitting to her husband. And until she fully understands that her marriage is for God and about God, she will have a very difficult time fulfilling this role.
Submitting and adapting are synonymous to each other, when it comes to the wife’s role in “becoming one” in marriage. By understanding the meaning of “adapting to”, it will also be easier for the wife to understand the total concept of submission.
Some of the meanings of “adapt” include: to become accustomed; familiarize; settle in; and get used to. The wife is expected by God, as it is her role, to “adapt” to her husband. It is her role to familiarize herself with her husband’s ways -- his preferences, his personality, his quirks, his moods, and everything else about him. Through her understanding of her husband, she should now “modify” her ways to suit his’. Incidentally, another meaning of adapt is “modify”.
How do you modify your ways to your husband’s ways?
To modify means to revise. You are to revise your own ways to suit your husband’s ways. This is what “adapting” is all about, and how a help-meet is defined.
Let me give you a personal example to make my point clearer.
I am an organized and detail-oriented person. I thrive well in a scheduled and predictable environment. I plan ahead of time, including what I will cook, wear, and do for the entire week. I acquired this over the years of having so many responsibilities, prior to my marriage.
My husband, on the other hand, is random and spontaneous. He does what he feels like doing, without any plans. He finds rigid schedules suffocating and gets bored with repetitious activities.
These differences created a lot of conflict in our marriage, more so because I did not understand, back then, what adapting is all about.
Let me give you a personal example to make my point clearer.
I am an organized and detail-oriented person. I thrive well in a scheduled and predictable environment. I plan ahead of time, including what I will cook, wear, and do for the entire week. I acquired this over the years of having so many responsibilities, prior to my marriage.
My husband, on the other hand, is random and spontaneous. He does what he feels like doing, without any plans. He finds rigid schedules suffocating and gets bored with repetitious activities.
These differences created a lot of conflict in our marriage, more so because I did not understand, back then, what adapting is all about.
Honestly, if I had my way, I would have stayed the way I was because I thought my ways were better than my husband’s ways. But because I love God and want to obey Him in everything, I chose to submit to my husband, as my service to the Lord. I chose to adapt to him and his ways. When I finally surrendered to God in this area, I began to see what God was trying to do, and why we, wives, are called to adapt to our husbands.
I learned (and I am still learning) to work around my husband’s unpredictable schedule. Though it is still a challenge sometimes, it has taught me and continues to teach me how to be more flexible. I have learned to simplify my life and it has actually become liberating. It gave me more time to focus on my husband and become more attuned to him, which is making me adapt even better.
I learned (and I am still learning) to work around my husband’s unpredictable schedule. Though it is still a challenge sometimes, it has taught me and continues to teach me how to be more flexible. I have learned to simplify my life and it has actually become liberating. It gave me more time to focus on my husband and become more attuned to him, which is making me adapt even better.
As a result of my “adapting” to my husband, he is now realizing that he needs some of the skills I have. He is utilizing me more for my being organized and it makes me feel more valued. He is actually adopting some of my traits too. Talk about “becoming one”. More than this, the more I adapt to my husband, the more he becomes loving to me.
When you begin to understand the concept of adapting, submission will come naturally. Thus, you will be fulfilling your role in the process of “becoming one”.
Finally, do not forget that the process of “becoming one”, which is the very essence of marriage, is a symbolism of God’s relationship with His church. Each time we fulfill our role, we do our part in representing God Himself. We also become better prepared for the real and actual wedding that is going to take place in the future.
When you begin to understand the concept of adapting, submission will come naturally. Thus, you will be fulfilling your role in the process of “becoming one”.
Finally, do not forget that the process of “becoming one”, which is the very essence of marriage, is a symbolism of God’s relationship with His church. Each time we fulfill our role, we do our part in representing God Himself. We also become better prepared for the real and actual wedding that is going to take place in the future.
“Alleluia! The reign of the Lord our God the Almighty has begun; let us be glad and joyful and give praise to God, because this is the time for the marriage of the Lamb. His bride is ready, and she has been able to dress herself in dazzling white linen, because her linen is made of the good deeds of the saints.”
Revelation 19:7-8
Lisa Maki is the founder/editor of God'z Gurlz, a Bible-based online magazine for women. She and her husband Jason are part of the growing movement of Christians who are discovering their Hebrew roots, and who are studying the Torah and its parallelisms to the New Testament. Lisa is likewise a Professional Writer with over 15 years of experience in the field. Jason and Lisa are part of El Shaddai Ministries, a First Century Believers Church headed by Pastor Mark Biltz.
