BITE YOUR TONGUE
NOVEMBER 2012
by Lisa Maki
My tongue would have been gone by now if I literally bit it each time I tried to shut up. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done and which I still struggle with sometimes. I would have avoided the many fights I’ve had with my husband, and even the hurts it brought me, had I learned to do this earlier in our marriage.
It all started one night when I was crying out to God complaining about my husband. We just got into a big fight and it surely wore me out. I was in the bathroom with my Bible and I heard the Spirit whisper in my ear: “Open your Bible to 1 Peter 3”. I opened it and read ...
In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
What spoke to me so clearly, piercing through my heart, were the underlined words above. It rebuked me and made me cry. I realized that I needed a gentle and quiet spirit and that this attribute is so precious to God.
It didn’t come easy though. I had to learn it the painful way. It was a series of tests from the Lord that finally made me get it, and do it. There was just a defensive spirit in me that wanted to reason out and explain all the time. This was the spirit that made it very difficult for me to shut up. It hated being accused, more so of something that is not true. For sure you can totally feel me on this one.
My husband is a challenger and can be very provoking at times. I told him once that he can make a mute person talk. This made it doubly difficult for me to maintain a quiet spirit. Add to this my strong-willed personality, plus my experiences, and it is almost impossible for me to even obey this Word from the Lord. Other than these, let me enumerate to you what makes it hard for me to bite my tongue and have a quiet spirit. I believe these may also be your hindrances to obeying this Word of God.
1. When he accuses me of something I didn’t do.
2. When he focuses on my mistakes and corrects me.
3. When he is mad at me.
4. When I see him doing something that I know will not be beneficial for the marriage and family.
5. When he makes stupid decisions.
6. When he repeats the same mistakes over and over again.
7. When he blames me.
Looking at all these, you can say that all these reasons are valid. These were my very justifications before God ... but He never accepted any of them. I remember hearing His voice in my mind one time: What about what I did on the cross for you? What about all the insults I received? What about those people who spat at me?
Tell me ... what do you say to God when He tells you these things?
So what if my husband accuses me of something I didn’t do. God is not the one accusing me. I don’t have to prove myself because God knows the truth.
So what if he focuses on my mistakes and corrects me? Wasn’t I created to be his help-meet? Didn’t God put me with him to serve him? This means that he can correct me so that I can adapt to his needs better.
So what if he is mad at me? He may be going through something and I should just be praying for him instead of getting in the flesh too.
So what if I see him doing something that will not be beneficial to the marriage and family? I am not his spiritual adviser. I am his help-meet. Shouldn’t I just be praying for him that God will speak to him about this? And if God wants him to learn his mistakes the hard way, then how dare I meddle with what God’s doing.
So what if he makes stupid decisions? Who doesn’t? I am not his conscience anyway. Shouldn’t I just let God be God and be the One to deal with him?
So what if he repeats the same mistakes over and over again? It may be my role to remind him but it is still his choice. God will be the One to teach him, not me.
So what if he blames me? Will blaming him back solve the problem? Won’t God deal with him if he doesn’t fulfill his role as a husband?
I have been stressing out all these years over these things I’ve mentioned, and I was the one putting the burden on myself. I was so focused on my husband, forgetting that God wanted me to focus on my role as the wife.
And when I started focusing on my role, and began fulfilling it, most especially this part on the “quiet spirit”, then I started seeing big changes too in my husband. All it took was for me to learn to bite my tongue, not even for his sake or my sake, but because it is precious in God’s eyes.
So my fellow wives ... if you truly love Jesus as you say you do, then obey every word He gave you as a wife, including this command to have a quiet spirit.
It all started one night when I was crying out to God complaining about my husband. We just got into a big fight and it surely wore me out. I was in the bathroom with my Bible and I heard the Spirit whisper in my ear: “Open your Bible to 1 Peter 3”. I opened it and read ...
In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
What spoke to me so clearly, piercing through my heart, were the underlined words above. It rebuked me and made me cry. I realized that I needed a gentle and quiet spirit and that this attribute is so precious to God.
It didn’t come easy though. I had to learn it the painful way. It was a series of tests from the Lord that finally made me get it, and do it. There was just a defensive spirit in me that wanted to reason out and explain all the time. This was the spirit that made it very difficult for me to shut up. It hated being accused, more so of something that is not true. For sure you can totally feel me on this one.
My husband is a challenger and can be very provoking at times. I told him once that he can make a mute person talk. This made it doubly difficult for me to maintain a quiet spirit. Add to this my strong-willed personality, plus my experiences, and it is almost impossible for me to even obey this Word from the Lord. Other than these, let me enumerate to you what makes it hard for me to bite my tongue and have a quiet spirit. I believe these may also be your hindrances to obeying this Word of God.
1. When he accuses me of something I didn’t do.
2. When he focuses on my mistakes and corrects me.
3. When he is mad at me.
4. When I see him doing something that I know will not be beneficial for the marriage and family.
5. When he makes stupid decisions.
6. When he repeats the same mistakes over and over again.
7. When he blames me.
Looking at all these, you can say that all these reasons are valid. These were my very justifications before God ... but He never accepted any of them. I remember hearing His voice in my mind one time: What about what I did on the cross for you? What about all the insults I received? What about those people who spat at me?
Tell me ... what do you say to God when He tells you these things?
So what if my husband accuses me of something I didn’t do. God is not the one accusing me. I don’t have to prove myself because God knows the truth.
So what if he focuses on my mistakes and corrects me? Wasn’t I created to be his help-meet? Didn’t God put me with him to serve him? This means that he can correct me so that I can adapt to his needs better.
So what if he is mad at me? He may be going through something and I should just be praying for him instead of getting in the flesh too.
So what if I see him doing something that will not be beneficial to the marriage and family? I am not his spiritual adviser. I am his help-meet. Shouldn’t I just be praying for him that God will speak to him about this? And if God wants him to learn his mistakes the hard way, then how dare I meddle with what God’s doing.
So what if he makes stupid decisions? Who doesn’t? I am not his conscience anyway. Shouldn’t I just let God be God and be the One to deal with him?
So what if he repeats the same mistakes over and over again? It may be my role to remind him but it is still his choice. God will be the One to teach him, not me.
So what if he blames me? Will blaming him back solve the problem? Won’t God deal with him if he doesn’t fulfill his role as a husband?
I have been stressing out all these years over these things I’ve mentioned, and I was the one putting the burden on myself. I was so focused on my husband, forgetting that God wanted me to focus on my role as the wife.
And when I started focusing on my role, and began fulfilling it, most especially this part on the “quiet spirit”, then I started seeing big changes too in my husband. All it took was for me to learn to bite my tongue, not even for his sake or my sake, but because it is precious in God’s eyes.
So my fellow wives ... if you truly love Jesus as you say you do, then obey every word He gave you as a wife, including this command to have a quiet spirit.
