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Sometimes I wonder how it would have been if my husband now had been my husband from the beginning. It is not easy to fathom it though because of my wonderful sons that God has blessed me with, out of that first marriage. In fact, my dad used to tell me that my sons are the only redeeming virtue of that relationship.
A friend of mine shared the message of the Gospel to me when I was 16 and I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I started going to church but my dad who was a devout Catholic, warned me not to return to that non-Catholic church ever again. Despite my dad’s warnings, I continued to attend services behind his back, and started reading the Bible and learning more about being a follower of Jesus. It was at that time when I started realizing that I was living in sin by having sex with my boyfriend. And just when I finally broke up with him, I found out I was pregnant, to which my dad said, “Don’t you disgrace me. This man must marry you”. So there I was, married and pregnant at 19. It was a very trying marriage that made me lose my grip on my faith in God and His Word.
Betrayal … deceit … lies … all these added to my already wounded heart, until I became numb, cold, and indifferent. I reached a point of exhaustion and revenge. “If he can cheat on me, I can also cheat on him”. |
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After ten years, I was done! It was a messy, stressful, and expensive annulment (we don’t have divorce in the Philippines and annulment is very tedious) that made me not want to be in a commitment with a man ever again.
When I recommitted my life to Christ and surrendered my life to Him, I didn’t realize how wounded my heart was. This was a long process of healing that God had to allow me to go through, and it still continues now in my second marriage.
When I recommitted my life to Christ and surrendered my life to Him, I didn’t realize how wounded my heart was. This was a long process of healing that God had to allow me to go through, and it still continues now in my second marriage.
I remember all the struggles I’ve been through during the first two years of my second marriage. These included issues on jealousy, insecurity, and doubt. I remember one time when my husband told me, “Why do you detach from me and become totally cold when you get hurt?” I then realized that it was a deep issue that God had to work thoroughly in me. I was so used to detaching from my emotions to protect my heart from getting hurt. What I didn’t realize then was that the hurt was part of the healing.
Every now and then I still go through some issues on fear and doubt, but I am also quick to cancel it and quick to go back to what God says in His Word.
God surely heals and restores but He also can’t reverse His Word that says…WHAT YOU SOW, YOU REAP. My first marriage was the result of disobedience to the Word of God and rebellion towards my dad. All the other sins I’ve done, as a result of that marriage, have been wiped away; but that doesn’t mean that I was spared of the consequences that resulted from it.
God has our best interest in mind in all His commands. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says …
God has our best interest in mind in all His commands. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says …
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? Know ye that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you…? Therefore glorify God in your body, in your spirit, which are God’s.
Fornication resulted to my pregnancy, and a marriage that was not from God. Since it was against the very grain that God Himself designed, I experienced the opposite of God’s blessings. He was still very gracious and merciful with me by blessing me with my sons. But even my boys were not spared of the hurts and pains that went with the separation of their parents.
Fornication also distorted the beauty of sex in my mind – its beauty the way God designed it. God designed sex for marriage which means that when it is done outside of God’s plan and design, it will never be experienced the way it was designed. I carried this distortion with me for a long time and even brought some of my issues with me into my new marriage. Praise Jesus for His healing and deliverance. Now I feel like I have never even been with any man other than my husband.
God is our great restorer and deliver. He can heal us no matter how sick and wounded we are. He can restore broken marriages, or bless you with a new marriage that truly comes from Him.
However, if you are single, don’t fornicate. There is nothing better than experiencing the beauty of lovemaking the way God designed it. There is nothing better than preserving your body for the man who God has set aside for you. There is nothing better than making love to your husband without any memory of your past sexual experiences. And even if you’ve had sexual experiences in the past, you can still choose to remain celibate and be the spiritual virgin that God can turn you into. You deserve the best! Never settle for crumbs.
~Lisa Maki~
God is our great restorer and deliver. He can heal us no matter how sick and wounded we are. He can restore broken marriages, or bless you with a new marriage that truly comes from Him.
However, if you are single, don’t fornicate. There is nothing better than experiencing the beauty of lovemaking the way God designed it. There is nothing better than preserving your body for the man who God has set aside for you. There is nothing better than making love to your husband without any memory of your past sexual experiences. And even if you’ve had sexual experiences in the past, you can still choose to remain celibate and be the spiritual virgin that God can turn you into. You deserve the best! Never settle for crumbs.
~Lisa Maki~
