HOW DO I KNOW IF HE/SHE IS THE RIGHT ONE FOR ME?
If there is one topic that gets a lot of attention from single men and women of God, it is the topic on finding the right one. This is the very reason why I am writing this article … to help you avoid making one of the biggest mistakes you can ever make in your lifetime.
Let me ask you one question before I proceed with this topic. Are you preparing yourself to be the right one? This is the first step, actually. You can’t be focused on finding and knowing the right one without being the right one.
Sad to say, the problem I am seeing is that men and women are so quick to mention what they want from each other. I hear a woman saying, “I want a man who will truly love me and treat me like a queen”. Then I hear a man saying, “I want a woman like Esther”. Hmmm. I wonder if the woman saying that he wants to be treated like a queen is preparing herself like a queen, and if the man saying he wants an Esther is preparing himself like a king.
Honestly, how can you even ask for the right one without being the right one? Doesn’t that make sense? Instead of praying, “God, send me the right man or woman”, why not start praying, “God, make me the right one for my man/woman. Prepare me for him/her”. Let this be the foundation of and prerequisite to knowing who the right one is.
Once your heart is fixed on the Lord and in being the person that He wants you to be, then He will give you the desires of your heart (paraphrased: Psalm 37).
From here He will start preparing you for your promised one. So the question now is … How do you know if he/she is the right one? When you finally meet him/her, how do you know?
If your focus is on God, you will know. If your focus is on the person you are waiting for, you will not know. Focusing on God will make you very familiar with His voice and very sensitive to His leading. Jesus Himself said, “My sheep know My voice” (John 10:27).
God speaks to us in a voice we are familiar with. It can be through His Word, through a dream or vision, through another person, or through an inner knowing. I saw my husband in a vision before I met him. This was further confirmed through a prophecy from a prophet and through a Word from God.
You will also know who the right one is by asking for some confirmation from God. When Abraham sent his servant to look for a wife for Isaac, his servant prayed and asked for confirmation and God gave him exactly what he asked confirmation for (Genesis 24:12-27).
Another way you will know if the person is the right one for you is through your spiritual connection.
When a man and woman are totally surrendered to Jesus, they will know when they see each other. Their spirits will speak and connect with each other like magnets.
In Romans 8:6 Paul talks about the “mind of the flesh” and “mind of the spirit”. The mind belongs to the “soulish” realm. This means that we can think and feel in the flesh, even if we are in the Lord. This may even deceive us, thinking that since our minds and hearts were instantly connected with a fellow Christian, then he/she is from the Lord. This is why I believe that there has to be a connection of the spirits first. When the connection starts here, then it is the mind and heart of the spirit that will be activated (taken from my previous article, Soul Mates – Sole Mates).
One more factor that you have to consider in knowing if the person is the right one for you is being “equally yoked”. You have to be on the same level of faith, or the man has to be on a higher level, since he is the one who is going to lead his wife.
Lastly, remember that it is not who you want or who you think you need but who God believes is the best one for you. Never rely on your own mind because it will fail you. God said, “Your thoughts are not My thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8).
Let me give you a personal example here …
I once dated a man who was very ideal for a woman of God like me – a pastor of a congregation in Pennsylvania and the head of an entire denomination. Their denomination also has churches in the Philippines (where I come from). He is 10 years older than me (which was what I have always preferred) and he has a beautiful house just waiting for his wife. He was a very responsible man and highly respected not only in the church community but in the secular world as well. I thought he was the one, based on my very limited understanding. But God knew better.
God knew I needed a younger man so He can prove my obedience to submit. He knew I needed a younger man who will keep me young forever. He knew I needed a younger, carefree man who will balance out my being very hardworking. He knew what I needed, and not what I thought I needed. And He couldn’t have made a more perfect choice. I am seeing more and more each day how compatible I am with my husband. Despite a lot of our very obvious differences, we are two peas in a pod.
Before I end this topic, let me assure you that I totally understand the difficulty of this waiting season. I waited for a long time just to be with my promised one. It can be very tiring and can surely weigh you down. It can even make you so desperate to the point of just settling for anyone. Please … if you reach this point of desperation, get down on your knees and pray. Don’t be a fool like Esau who exchanged his birthright for a bowl of stew, just because he was so hungry (Genesis 25:29-34). The devil wants to steal your promised one and he will do this by distracting and deceiving you. First he will make you weary, then he will bring someone to you, and then he will deceive you into thinking that the person is the one for you. Never give that enemy of ours the opportunity to steal what God has set aside for you.
Let the peace of God be your biggest indicator. Any person that you are not totally at peace with is surely not from God.
~Lisa Maki~
Let me ask you one question before I proceed with this topic. Are you preparing yourself to be the right one? This is the first step, actually. You can’t be focused on finding and knowing the right one without being the right one.
Sad to say, the problem I am seeing is that men and women are so quick to mention what they want from each other. I hear a woman saying, “I want a man who will truly love me and treat me like a queen”. Then I hear a man saying, “I want a woman like Esther”. Hmmm. I wonder if the woman saying that he wants to be treated like a queen is preparing herself like a queen, and if the man saying he wants an Esther is preparing himself like a king.
Honestly, how can you even ask for the right one without being the right one? Doesn’t that make sense? Instead of praying, “God, send me the right man or woman”, why not start praying, “God, make me the right one for my man/woman. Prepare me for him/her”. Let this be the foundation of and prerequisite to knowing who the right one is.
Once your heart is fixed on the Lord and in being the person that He wants you to be, then He will give you the desires of your heart (paraphrased: Psalm 37).
From here He will start preparing you for your promised one. So the question now is … How do you know if he/she is the right one? When you finally meet him/her, how do you know?
If your focus is on God, you will know. If your focus is on the person you are waiting for, you will not know. Focusing on God will make you very familiar with His voice and very sensitive to His leading. Jesus Himself said, “My sheep know My voice” (John 10:27).
God speaks to us in a voice we are familiar with. It can be through His Word, through a dream or vision, through another person, or through an inner knowing. I saw my husband in a vision before I met him. This was further confirmed through a prophecy from a prophet and through a Word from God.
You will also know who the right one is by asking for some confirmation from God. When Abraham sent his servant to look for a wife for Isaac, his servant prayed and asked for confirmation and God gave him exactly what he asked confirmation for (Genesis 24:12-27).
Another way you will know if the person is the right one for you is through your spiritual connection.
When a man and woman are totally surrendered to Jesus, they will know when they see each other. Their spirits will speak and connect with each other like magnets.
In Romans 8:6 Paul talks about the “mind of the flesh” and “mind of the spirit”. The mind belongs to the “soulish” realm. This means that we can think and feel in the flesh, even if we are in the Lord. This may even deceive us, thinking that since our minds and hearts were instantly connected with a fellow Christian, then he/she is from the Lord. This is why I believe that there has to be a connection of the spirits first. When the connection starts here, then it is the mind and heart of the spirit that will be activated (taken from my previous article, Soul Mates – Sole Mates).
One more factor that you have to consider in knowing if the person is the right one for you is being “equally yoked”. You have to be on the same level of faith, or the man has to be on a higher level, since he is the one who is going to lead his wife.
Lastly, remember that it is not who you want or who you think you need but who God believes is the best one for you. Never rely on your own mind because it will fail you. God said, “Your thoughts are not My thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8).
Let me give you a personal example here …
I once dated a man who was very ideal for a woman of God like me – a pastor of a congregation in Pennsylvania and the head of an entire denomination. Their denomination also has churches in the Philippines (where I come from). He is 10 years older than me (which was what I have always preferred) and he has a beautiful house just waiting for his wife. He was a very responsible man and highly respected not only in the church community but in the secular world as well. I thought he was the one, based on my very limited understanding. But God knew better.
God knew I needed a younger man so He can prove my obedience to submit. He knew I needed a younger man who will keep me young forever. He knew I needed a younger, carefree man who will balance out my being very hardworking. He knew what I needed, and not what I thought I needed. And He couldn’t have made a more perfect choice. I am seeing more and more each day how compatible I am with my husband. Despite a lot of our very obvious differences, we are two peas in a pod.
Before I end this topic, let me assure you that I totally understand the difficulty of this waiting season. I waited for a long time just to be with my promised one. It can be very tiring and can surely weigh you down. It can even make you so desperate to the point of just settling for anyone. Please … if you reach this point of desperation, get down on your knees and pray. Don’t be a fool like Esau who exchanged his birthright for a bowl of stew, just because he was so hungry (Genesis 25:29-34). The devil wants to steal your promised one and he will do this by distracting and deceiving you. First he will make you weary, then he will bring someone to you, and then he will deceive you into thinking that the person is the one for you. Never give that enemy of ours the opportunity to steal what God has set aside for you.
Let the peace of God be your biggest indicator. Any person that you are not totally at peace with is surely not from God.
~Lisa Maki~
