GOD'Z GURLZ <br />Bible-based webmag for women
  • Home
    • About Us >
      • Time for a Change
      • More about Lisa Maki
      • I Love You
      • Core Values
    • Marriage & Relationships >
      • THE WIFE: THE ARMOUR-BEARER >
        • THE ARMOUR-BEARER WIFE: Her Biggest Stronghold
        • THE ARMOUR-BEARER WIFE: REBUILDING THE WALL
        • The Armour-Bearer Wife: The King-Maker
      • How Long Should I Fight For My Marriage
      • Marriage: A Breeding Place For Miracles
      • MISTRESS TO BRIDE
      • Sex Before Marriage
      • AVOIDING FORNICATION
      • TEN MISTAKES SINGLE WOMEN OF GOD MAKE
      • Divorce and Remarriage
      • Respect and Guard the Marriage, Please
      • Do Not Sweat The Small Stuff In Marriage
      • Becoming One
      • My Marriage was God's Perfect Will
      • If Only
      • Don't Cross The Line
      • To Guard or Not To Guard
      • Soul Mates - Sole Mates
      • Being Married To A Visionary
      • One Team
      • Long-Distance Love: Not for the Faint of Heart
      • Your Husband Is Cheating On You
      • Single Mom's Journey
      • Understanding A Woman's Insecurities
      • God's Bigger Plan For Your Marriage
      • How To Deal With A Controlling Husband
      • Laying Down Your Life For Your Spouse
      • The Leader Wife
      • What I've Learned From My Husband
      • Daddy Issues
      • Cheat-Proof Your Marriage
      • Don't Reverse The Roles
      • Fighting For Purity
      • I Have The Best Husband
      • Dealing With Your Husband's Past
      • Wives ... ATTENTION!
      • Dealing With An Angry Husband
      • Get Down On Your Knees
      • God Hates Divorce!
      • How My Wife's Submission Changed Me
      • A Smile That Can Launch A Thousand Ships
      • Match-Maker
      • Single Mom Gets Married
      • Newly Married? The First Critical Years
      • Warrior Bride
      • Women Are Wiser
      • Pursue Me!
      • Worldly Friendships Vs. Godly Friendships
      • Bite Your Tongue
      • Spiritual Than Thou
      • My Career As A Help-Meet
      • A Good Help-Meet Is Good In Bed
      • Are You Sure You're Ready For Marriage
      • Beware Of Waiting For Your Promised Man
      • Talking To Kids About Sex
      • Embracing Your Call As A Help-Meet
      • Equal Rights?
      • I Feel So Distant
      • God Knows Who You Need
      • How Do I Know If He/She Is The Right One For Me?
      • Soul Mate - Sole Mate
      • It's Not About You
      • With All Due Respect
      • I Told You So
      • Marriage Is A Healing Ground
      • You'll Never Know What Marriage Is Until You Get There
      • Divide and Conquer
      • Father-Daughter Connection
    • Heart to Heart >
      • Are you a Queen?
      • Overcoming Depression
      • One Blow After The Next
      • Why Worry?
      • When Your Heart Gets Numb
      • Hurt Gone Deep
      • Let It Hurt!
      • I Chose Jesus, But Why Am I Hurting?
      • Onion Skin
      • Test Of Patience
      • Battle of the Minds
      • You Need Time To Heal
      • Waking Up From A Bad Dream
      • Voices From The Past
      • Don't Let Anyone Steal That Joy
      • Beat That Bad Day
      • Cross-Over
      • A Demon Called Doubt
      • Are You Sure You Are Ready To Change?
      • Learning To Trust Again
    • Inspirational >
      • Coming to Terms
      • I Repent!
      • The Unexpected Storm
      • God is a God of Process
      • Above all ... LOVE
      • When God Takes You Out Of Your Comfort Zone
      • I Don't Understand
      • You Don't Have A Clue
      • Where The Paths Meet
      • Did You Pass The Test?
      • Let Go Of That Crutch!
      • There's Something About Mary
      • Honing The Gift Of Discernment
      • God Is More Stubborn Than You
    • Teens >
      • Stop Looking At Me
      • Why Young Girls Fall For Older Men
      • I Wanna Be Cool
      • Teen Sex
      • Do You See Me?
      • I Hate My Mom/Dad
      • Enjoy Your Youth
      • My Boyfriend Is Cheating On Me
      • Teen Mom
      • Nobody Understands Me
      • The Kind Of Guy Who Deserves You
      • The Day I Ran Away From Home
      • Teen Prostitute Receives Jesus
      • Bad Girl vs. Good Girl
      • Why Do I Love Too Much?
      • The Day I Lost My Virginity
      • Hurt-Proof Your Heart
    • Business & Leadership >
      • Communicate More Effectively
      • Successful Negotiations
      • Managing Time Wisely
      • Mistakes Creative Writers Make
      • Communicating Your Vision
      • Guard Your Vision
      • Test Of Leadership
      • Starting A Business
      • Unemployed?
      • Promote Your Business Effectively
      • Work From Home
      • People Are Watching You
      • A Resume That Will Get You That Job
      • Organize Your Thoughts
    • Expose' >
      • Christian Anti-Semitism
      • The Awakening of a Catholic
      • Diary Of A Mistress
      • That Evil Spirit Named "CONTROL"
      • Losing God's Anointing
      • False Assumptions
      • Acceptance or Compromise
      • Burnt Out!
      • Teen Scandal
      • Warning To Married Couples
      • HIV and Condoms
      • Death Of Innocent Children
    • Testify! >
      • ADDICTED TO PORN
      • He Visited Me
      • He Delivered Me
    • Poetry >
      • Mystery
      • Hurts
      • You Can Do It!
    • Delicioso! >
      • Baked Rotini Pasta with Meat Sauce
      • Chicken Fettuccini
    • Meet the Lover of Our Souls
    • Teen Corner
    • Torah Teaching >
      • For Wives >
        • The First Marriage
        • Princess Sarah
        • She Knew
        • Love At First Sight
        • She Saved His Life
      • The Feasts >
        • Keep The SABBATH DAY Holy
        • The Feasts of the Lord
        • Let's Celebrate Passover
        • Rosh Hashana
        • Days of Awe
        • Yom Kippur
      • Testimony >
        • Love Is Lovelier ... The Second Time Around
        • How I Got Into The Messianic Movement
        • My Jewish Jesus
      • Jewish Feasts >
        • Do Not Flatter Yourself
        • Why I Am Celebrating Hanukkah and not Christmas
      • Others >
        • Getting To Know YESHUA
        • Bringing Out, Bringing In
        • Blinded By Despair
        • How God Deals With Those He Truly Trusts
        • Taking Over What Is Yours
        • How God Promises
        • Are We Ready For Our Promised Land?
  • New Articles
    • ME TOO
    • BREAKING CHAINS
    • ANXIETY IS REAL
    • The CHAMELEON spirit
    • Pour Your Water Onto Me
    • When Being Unproductive
    • You Can't Fix Him
    • I Can't Hear
    • I Was Raped!
    • How Well Do You Know Your Purpose?
    • My Secret Garden
    • The Flow of His Presence
    • Love Covers a Multitude of Sins
  • PROPHETIC
    • THE YEAR 2019
    • MARCHING IN
    • THE COMING KINGDOM
    • Flowing in His Circle
    • The Whirlwind
    • Too Long in the Wilderness
  • DEVOTIONAL
  • Warrior Prayer
    • Salvation Prayer
    • Submission Prayer
    • Daily Prayer
    • Rules of Engagement Prayer
    • Entering Warfare Prayer
  • SUPPORT US
  • Online Counseling
  • Archives
    • July 2012
    • August 2012
    • September 2012
    • October 2012
    • November 2012
    • December 2012
    • January 2013
    • Previous Articles >
      • The Best Christmas Gift Not In A Box
      • Is Santa God?
      • Why Are You Celebrating Christmas?
    • February 2013
    • March 2013 >
      • video
  • Contact Information

MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS

I FEEL SO DISTANT


Picture
He smiled at me.  I tried to smile back but it was hard to fake it.  I didn’t even want to look at him.  I kept looking away.  How can he just forget about what happened?  How can he be so insensitive to what I feel?  How can he just say those things to me and act like nothing happened?

Thoughts and images of what happened that morning kept playing in my mind.  I tried to brush it off but it kept coming back.  He attempted to pull me close to him to kiss me but I was as cold as ice.  I felt bad for him but I couldn’t help it.    

He went back to his computer and I felt worse than ever.  I wanted him to pursue me more.  I wanted him to know how much he has hurt me.  I wanted to go to him and hug him but something was stopping me. 

Can you relate to me?  Have you been in this situation?  For sure you have been, and for sure it has happened several times and even continues to happen until now.  This is who we are as women and as wives.  When we get hurt we detach.  It is our way of expressing our frustration and making a statement.  We are not switches that can be turned on and off.  When we get hurt, we need some time to get back to feeling good again. 

Reality is ... our husbands don’t get it and they never will.  They don’t have time to play our games.  They don’t have the sensitivity to feel what we feel.  They will move on even when we want to linger in our emotions.

It took me some time before I finally understood this, let alone accept it.  It took sleepless nights and heated arguments before I finally got it. 

Our hurts may be valid.  Our husbands may be in the wrong.  Yet, most of the time, the hurts that we feel are the result of lies that the devil has planted in our thoughts.  I may feel hurt over my husband’s rudeness towards me without realizing that he was going through some internal struggles himself.  I may feel that my husband is blaming me without realizing that he is actually frustrated with himself. 

One thing we have to understand and something that I have to constantly remind myself is that men were not designed to cope with emotional problems like we do.  In fact, most suicide victims are men, simply because they have weaker coping mechanisms to emotional problems.  Women can talk about their problems and they will start feeling better.  Men don’t talk about their inner problems and issues.  And when they do talk about it with their wives, they can’t even express it the way it really is.  They come out in the form of anger, rudeness, and even detachment. 

More than all these, what I want to remind you is that we have an enemy out there ... an enemy who hates marriages ... an enemy who will do everything to destroy marriages.  And just as he did to Eve, he will attack you first.  He will play with your emotions, which he is very good at.  He will use on you the same tactic that he used on Eve.  He will whisper in your ear ... “Could it be that???”  You will hear it over and over again.  His motive is for you to feel hurt so that you will detach yourself from your husband.  Then he can attack your husband and your marriage.  As I wrote in my previous article, his scheme is always to “divide” and then “conquer”.

Tell me ... if you have hurt feelings towards your husband; is it easy to make love to him?  Not at all!   As a matter of fact, you don’t even feel like being close to him.  Am I right?   And you and I know very well how important sex is to our spouses.  This is why the devil will try to take that sex away from your husband by attacking your emotions.  Paul himself validated this by saying in 1 Corinthians 7:5 ...

Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other [of your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of sexual desire.

The devil knows fully well how women can linger in their emotions.  It is so natural for us.  We can just think of a hurt feeling and instantly we can remain there for hours, days, weeks, months, and even years.  Do you think that women with depression just acquired it for a day?  Of course not!  They have entertained their hurts for so long.  This can easily happen to any of us.  If we don’t brush off these hurt feelings quickly, it will stick to us like glue and find its permanent place in our hearts and minds.

God gave me no choice but to learn to release my hurtful feelings to Him as quickly as I could.  He gave me only two choices:  to remain in that hurt or to have sleepless nights.  I chose to release my hurts to Him.  It didn’t happen overnight though.  It took crazy nights of wanting to fall asleep only to realize that it was already 4 in the morning.  It took heated arguments, which of course added to the hurts and growing resentment.  It was a process, and honestly, some days I’m better, while some days I have to ask more of God’s grace and strength. 

My advice to you is this:  If you feel hurt or have any feeling of resentment towards your husband, bring it before God right away.  Cry it out to Him and leave it with Him.  Don’t keep it within you or it will turn into bitterness later on.  I don’t suggest talking to other friends about this, unless they are very strong women of God who will lead you to the right path instead of just wallowing in your misery.  Then release forgiveness. 

The devil for sure will make you remember the hurtful words said.  He will play it over and over in your mind.  When he does this, say: I have already released forgiveness.  Hallelujah!!!  Meditate on a Scripture that will keep your mind focused on Jesus and not on what the enemy is deceiving you with.  Two Scriptures that surely help me are:  The joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10) and In His presence if fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11). 

Another advice I will give you is:  Remain in a joyful state because as the Scripture above says, God’s joy is your strength.  The devil will steal that joy so you will be weak.  Protect that joy.  And the secret to having that joy is to have an attitude of gratitude.  In the midst of your hurts, thank God for your marriage ... for your husband ... for having someone you can spend the rest of your life with.  Think of all the good things about your husband and thank God for it.  Thank God even for the not so good things because if not for that, you won’t even be where you are.  Thank Him for your trials that stretch your faith and make you stronger.  Thank Him for being there for you at all times.  Thank Him for your salvation.  Thank Him for the privilege of communing with Him.  Keep thanking Him.  Then you will be lifted up from your situation and you will have peace.

Finally, I want you to meditate on these Scriptures below.

Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice! ... Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.  And God’s peace which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorableand seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]. (Philippians 4:4, 6-8)



~Lisa Maki~

Submit
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.