GOD'Z GURLZ <br />Bible-based webmag for women
  • Home
    • About Us >
      • Time for a Change
      • More about Lisa Maki
      • I Love You
      • Core Values
    • Marriage & Relationships >
      • THE WIFE: THE ARMOUR-BEARER >
        • THE ARMOUR-BEARER WIFE: Her Biggest Stronghold
        • THE ARMOUR-BEARER WIFE: REBUILDING THE WALL
        • The Armour-Bearer Wife: The King-Maker
      • How Long Should I Fight For My Marriage
      • Marriage: A Breeding Place For Miracles
      • MISTRESS TO BRIDE
      • Sex Before Marriage
      • AVOIDING FORNICATION
      • TEN MISTAKES SINGLE WOMEN OF GOD MAKE
      • Divorce and Remarriage
      • Respect and Guard the Marriage, Please
      • Do Not Sweat The Small Stuff In Marriage
      • Becoming One
      • My Marriage was God's Perfect Will
      • If Only
      • Don't Cross The Line
      • To Guard or Not To Guard
      • Soul Mates - Sole Mates
      • Being Married To A Visionary
      • One Team
      • Long-Distance Love: Not for the Faint of Heart
      • Your Husband Is Cheating On You
      • Single Mom's Journey
      • Understanding A Woman's Insecurities
      • God's Bigger Plan For Your Marriage
      • How To Deal With A Controlling Husband
      • Laying Down Your Life For Your Spouse
      • The Leader Wife
      • What I've Learned From My Husband
      • Daddy Issues
      • Cheat-Proof Your Marriage
      • Don't Reverse The Roles
      • Fighting For Purity
      • I Have The Best Husband
      • Dealing With Your Husband's Past
      • Wives ... ATTENTION!
      • Dealing With An Angry Husband
      • Get Down On Your Knees
      • God Hates Divorce!
      • How My Wife's Submission Changed Me
      • A Smile That Can Launch A Thousand Ships
      • Match-Maker
      • Single Mom Gets Married
      • Newly Married? The First Critical Years
      • Warrior Bride
      • Women Are Wiser
      • Pursue Me!
      • Worldly Friendships Vs. Godly Friendships
      • Bite Your Tongue
      • Spiritual Than Thou
      • My Career As A Help-Meet
      • A Good Help-Meet Is Good In Bed
      • Are You Sure You're Ready For Marriage
      • Beware Of Waiting For Your Promised Man
      • Talking To Kids About Sex
      • Embracing Your Call As A Help-Meet
      • Equal Rights?
      • I Feel So Distant
      • God Knows Who You Need
      • How Do I Know If He/She Is The Right One For Me?
      • Soul Mate - Sole Mate
      • It's Not About You
      • With All Due Respect
      • I Told You So
      • Marriage Is A Healing Ground
      • You'll Never Know What Marriage Is Until You Get There
      • Divide and Conquer
      • Father-Daughter Connection
    • Heart to Heart >
      • Are you a Queen?
      • Overcoming Depression
      • One Blow After The Next
      • Why Worry?
      • When Your Heart Gets Numb
      • Hurt Gone Deep
      • Let It Hurt!
      • I Chose Jesus, But Why Am I Hurting?
      • Onion Skin
      • Test Of Patience
      • Battle of the Minds
      • You Need Time To Heal
      • Waking Up From A Bad Dream
      • Voices From The Past
      • Don't Let Anyone Steal That Joy
      • Beat That Bad Day
      • Cross-Over
      • A Demon Called Doubt
      • Are You Sure You Are Ready To Change?
      • Learning To Trust Again
    • Inspirational >
      • Coming to Terms
      • I Repent!
      • The Unexpected Storm
      • God is a God of Process
      • Above all ... LOVE
      • When God Takes You Out Of Your Comfort Zone
      • I Don't Understand
      • You Don't Have A Clue
      • Where The Paths Meet
      • Did You Pass The Test?
      • Let Go Of That Crutch!
      • There's Something About Mary
      • Honing The Gift Of Discernment
      • God Is More Stubborn Than You
    • Teens >
      • Stop Looking At Me
      • Why Young Girls Fall For Older Men
      • I Wanna Be Cool
      • Teen Sex
      • Do You See Me?
      • I Hate My Mom/Dad
      • Enjoy Your Youth
      • My Boyfriend Is Cheating On Me
      • Teen Mom
      • Nobody Understands Me
      • The Kind Of Guy Who Deserves You
      • The Day I Ran Away From Home
      • Teen Prostitute Receives Jesus
      • Bad Girl vs. Good Girl
      • Why Do I Love Too Much?
      • The Day I Lost My Virginity
      • Hurt-Proof Your Heart
    • Business & Leadership >
      • Communicate More Effectively
      • Successful Negotiations
      • Managing Time Wisely
      • Mistakes Creative Writers Make
      • Communicating Your Vision
      • Guard Your Vision
      • Test Of Leadership
      • Starting A Business
      • Unemployed?
      • Promote Your Business Effectively
      • Work From Home
      • People Are Watching You
      • A Resume That Will Get You That Job
      • Organize Your Thoughts
    • Expose' >
      • Christian Anti-Semitism
      • The Awakening of a Catholic
      • Diary Of A Mistress
      • That Evil Spirit Named "CONTROL"
      • Losing God's Anointing
      • False Assumptions
      • Acceptance or Compromise
      • Burnt Out!
      • Teen Scandal
      • Warning To Married Couples
      • HIV and Condoms
      • Death Of Innocent Children
    • Testify! >
      • ADDICTED TO PORN
      • He Visited Me
      • He Delivered Me
    • Poetry >
      • Mystery
      • Hurts
      • You Can Do It!
    • Delicioso! >
      • Baked Rotini Pasta with Meat Sauce
      • Chicken Fettuccini
    • Meet the Lover of Our Souls
    • Teen Corner
    • Torah Teaching >
      • For Wives >
        • The First Marriage
        • Princess Sarah
        • She Knew
        • Love At First Sight
        • She Saved His Life
      • The Feasts >
        • Keep The SABBATH DAY Holy
        • The Feasts of the Lord
        • Let's Celebrate Passover
        • Rosh Hashana
        • Days of Awe
        • Yom Kippur
      • Testimony >
        • Love Is Lovelier ... The Second Time Around
        • How I Got Into The Messianic Movement
        • My Jewish Jesus
      • Jewish Feasts >
        • Do Not Flatter Yourself
        • Why I Am Celebrating Hanukkah and not Christmas
      • Others >
        • Getting To Know YESHUA
        • Bringing Out, Bringing In
        • Blinded By Despair
        • How God Deals With Those He Truly Trusts
        • Taking Over What Is Yours
        • How God Promises
        • Are We Ready For Our Promised Land?
  • New Articles
    • ME TOO
    • BREAKING CHAINS
    • ANXIETY IS REAL
    • The CHAMELEON spirit
    • Pour Your Water Onto Me
    • When Being Unproductive
    • You Can't Fix Him
    • I Can't Hear
    • I Was Raped!
    • How Well Do You Know Your Purpose?
    • My Secret Garden
    • The Flow of His Presence
    • Love Covers a Multitude of Sins
  • PROPHETIC
    • THE YEAR 2019
    • MARCHING IN
    • THE COMING KINGDOM
    • Flowing in His Circle
    • The Whirlwind
    • Too Long in the Wilderness
  • DEVOTIONAL
  • Warrior Prayer
    • Salvation Prayer
    • Submission Prayer
    • Daily Prayer
    • Rules of Engagement Prayer
    • Entering Warfare Prayer
  • SUPPORT US
  • Online Counseling
  • Archives
    • July 2012
    • August 2012
    • September 2012
    • October 2012
    • November 2012
    • December 2012
    • January 2013
    • Previous Articles >
      • The Best Christmas Gift Not In A Box
      • Is Santa God?
      • Why Are You Celebrating Christmas?
    • February 2013
    • March 2013 >
      • video
  • Contact Information

TEENS

I HATE MY MOM/DAD


DECEMBER 2012
by Lisa Maki

“I just hate my Dad”.  “I just hate my Mom”.  How many times have I heard teenagers say this?  How many times did I also say this when I was a teen?  It seems like teens will never run out of reasons on why they don’t like their parents.  Some reasons are very valid; others are just lame.   

I met this 14 year old girl a few years ago and told her that I can be a sister or even a mom for her.  She trusted me and began sharing her frustrations with her mom with me.  She said the same thing ... “I hate my mom”.  And when I asked why, she said that her mom, who is in her thirty’s, is flirting with all her guy friends.  I would definitely hate my mom for that reason as well, if I had a mom like that.  This is the valid reason that I am talking about.

Another 14 year old girl who was put by her mom in rehab told me she hates her mom because she is accusing her of using drugs when she’s not.  I knew she was on drugs and she really has to be in rehab.  So her hate towards her mom was lame for me.

If you are having some hate feelings towards your parents, and your reason is valid, I totally understand you.  However, you should be careful that what you feel towards them will not destroy you.  This is the very essence of the 5th commandment about honoring our parents. Exodus 20:12 says:  Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Do you realize that this commandment is more for you than for your parents?  It says “honor your father and mother that you may live long” ... that YOU may live long and not that your parents may live long.

So what does honoring parents have anything to do with having a long life?

Before I answer this question, let me address another question first.  Is it alright to have feelings of hate towards your own parents? 

It is normal to feel bad against your parents, more so if they are in the wrong.  Some parents are the ones who provoke and influence their children to do bad things.  I’ve met several people whose parents were the ones who introduced them to drugs.  My husband’s Dad provoked him to rebel.  My own Dad did the same thing to me. 

Ephesians 6:4 says:  Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. 

See that?  Our Dads are instructed by God not to provoke us but to bring us up in the Lord.  For this to even happen, the father has to be submitted and surrendered to Jesus and His Word.  My Dad was not.  My husband’s Dad was not either.  And your Dad may be the same.  If they are not surrendered to Jesus, they will surely make their children rebel against them. 

Does this justify our rebellion then?  Of course not!  However, it explains why we develop feelings of hate towards our parents.  And if these feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, and hate are not resolved and dealt with, we will be carrying all these feelings with us until we die, affecting not only us but the people around us.  In fact, this may be the reason why our parents are the way they are ... they have deep seated issues towards their own parents and we are the poor victims who take the blow for it.

This brings me to my question earlier ... What does honoring parents have anything to do with having a long life?

Our hate feelings towards our parents can take root in us, producing fruits of bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness.  All these feelings can ruin us.  They can give us stress, heart problems, mental problems, anxiety, depression, etc.  Any of these conditions can surely shorten our life span. 

God instructed us to forgive, not for the sake of the person who have hurt us, but for our own sake.  Releasing forgiveness is also releasing the person’s control over us. 

I have struggled with feelings of hate towards my Dad for years.  I blamed him for everything that happened to me.  He treated me like a prisoner and didn’t express his love for me.  I could barely get out of the house unless I was going with them or going to school.  This unreasonable strictness plus my deep hunger for love led me to rebel against him.  My rebellion opened doors for molestation, early pregnancy, a miserable marriage I didn’t want, etc.  I carried these deep-seated hurt feelings with me for a long, long time, that even after I was independent from my Dad, I still felt his control over me.  It was only after I surrendered my life to Jesus that I learned to release forgiveness for him.  That was the beginning of my healing process.

So what does honoring parents really mean?  Does this mean letting them do whatever they want and just submitting to them?  Does it mean allowing them to hurt you?  Not at all!

To honor our parents means to recognize that God used them to bring us into this world.  This in itself will make us look at them in a different light.  Of course there are some people who wish that they haven’t been born. 

To honor our parents means to be thankful that they didn’t stop our being born.  Your mom could have chosen to abort you but she didn’t.  Thus, maintaining a thankful attitude regarding this is honoring them.

To honor our parents also means understanding where they are coming from.  It surely helped me when I started to understand my Dad’s upbringing – the pains he has been through, how his parents treated him, how he felt so alone growing up. 

I know how difficult it is to deal with parents who are in the wrong, such as those doing drugs and influencing their children to do so, those who are alcoholics, those who have anger flashes, and those who sexually abuse their children.  If your Dad is sexually abusing you, seek for help immediately and get out of your house.  This is not something you should tolerate.

If your own Dad has sexually abused you in the past, honoring him means being civil and kind in your dealings with him.  It means forgiving him.  It does not mean trusting him and placing yourself in harm’s way. 

If your parents are on drugs, alcohol, or have anger issues, you are still required by God to honor them by being thankful for the life they gave you, praying for them, and extending love to them.  All these, however, can be done from a distance, as this may be the best and only way for you to even be able to honor them.  However, if you are still young and dependent on your parents and you don’t have a place to go, then I suggest that you focus on your studies and strive to get good grades so you will have greater chances for your future.  Actually, this is one big problem I’ve seen in teens, and which I have been through as well.

Teenagers want to get away from their parents and so they start rebelling against them, only to get more stuck with them.  My rebellion led to my pregnancy and I had to stay with my parents for years.  The very place I was trying to escape from kept me trapped.  So if you want to leave your parents’ house and be independent of them, then be wiser in your decisions.  Do well in school; get a good job; save money; and leave.  Then you can honor them from a distance, which as I’ve said, may be the best way for you to maintain respect for them.

So the next time you feel some hate towards your Mom or Dad, or even both, assess your situation first.  Are your reasons valid or lame?  If your parents are real Christians and totally submitted to God and His Word, then they are simply doing to you what God has instructed them to do.  Don’t hate them for that.  If things get difficult, cry it out to God and He will show you the way. 

Finally, let your hurt feelings or whatever negative feelings you have towards your parents lead you closer to your real parent, God Himself.  He will never leave you nor forsake you.

If you need more advice in this area, feel free to email me at godzgurlz@live.com.


Lisa Maki is the founder, publisher, and editor of God'z Gurlz.  More about Lisa at ...

http://www.godzgurlz.com/regular-contributors.html


Submit
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.