I Told You So
September 2012
I don’t know anymore how many times I have told my husband something and he didn’t listen to me, only to prove later on that I was right. In almost all those occasions I have tried to bite my lip, but instead I said, “I told you so”. This is one of the biggest “don’ts” for wives that I have learned from other married women of God. You never tell your husband, “I told you so”.
A friend and sister in the Lord told me that husbands have a listening problem. It sounds funny but it’s true and I am sure that you will agree with me. Another sister in the Lord shared with me an incident when her husband all of a sudden told her that he just had a revelation from the Holy Spirit. When she asked what it was he shared about something that she has been telling him for the past months but which he wasn’t hearing at all. She said, “Finally, the Holy Spirit opened your ears to hear what I have been telling you all along”.
I don’t think our husbands deliberately refuse to listen to us. I believe that their being the head of our marriage and family make them so sure of what they know. Anything else outside of what they think is right will not make sense for them, most especially if it’s from their wives. I am realizing now, more than ever, that there are certain things that men will only hear from other men.
Another revelation I’ve had on why men have a listening problem when it comes to their wives is not so much for them but for us. God wants us to bring up the matter to Him so He will be the one to talk to our husbands and deal with them. This actually reminds me of a conversation I’ve had with a Pastor’s wife a few years ago. They’ve been married for over 20 years and I was just on the 2nd year of my marriage then, so I thought a godly advice from her will be very beneficial to me. So I asked her, “What advice can you give me on how I can better communicate with my husband”? She answered, “Don’t communicate”. I thought I heard her wrong so I asked her, “What do you mean”? She said, “Don’t communicate. He won’t hear you. Bring everything before the Lord and let Him speak to him. It will make your job easier”.
Though I received what she told me at that time, I still didn’t fully understand it until I experienced the frustration for myself on trying to communicate with my husband, and of course the never ending “I told you so” when I proved myself right, which happened most of the time. Over time I’ve learned to follow the advice of that Pastor’s wife and God has proven Himself so faithful in this area. There were so many incidents when my husband told me, “God revealed to me that ... “, and it was the same prayer I have been praying to God to make known to my husband.
Actually, my conversations with God opened the door to a better communication between me and my husband. My husband is getting better at listening to me and in considering and respecting my advices.
While I became an expert in bringing my concerns about my husband to the Lord, I remained an amateur in the “I told you so” part. It was actually during one conversation with my husband when I realized how these “I told you so” affect him. Of course there I was again telling him, “I told you that a few days ago” or “I remember telling you that”, and he finally said to me, “How come you always tell me that you told me?”, and I said “Coz I really told you but you didn’t listen to me”. Then he said, “How come you seem like you know everything”? That was all I needed to hear. A revelation came to me. I was projecting a Miss Know-It-All image to my husband, a prideful spirit, someone who wants to make him see that I am right and he is wrong. In a way I was belittling my husband by telling him “I told you so”, and this is not good. The best way a man can be destroyed is by telling him that he is not good enough or he is no good.
After this revelation, I made a commitment not to ever say “I told you so” to my husband again. I am still in the process but I am getting better. As the saying goes, “Practice makes perfect”.
~Lisa Maki~
A friend and sister in the Lord told me that husbands have a listening problem. It sounds funny but it’s true and I am sure that you will agree with me. Another sister in the Lord shared with me an incident when her husband all of a sudden told her that he just had a revelation from the Holy Spirit. When she asked what it was he shared about something that she has been telling him for the past months but which he wasn’t hearing at all. She said, “Finally, the Holy Spirit opened your ears to hear what I have been telling you all along”.
I don’t think our husbands deliberately refuse to listen to us. I believe that their being the head of our marriage and family make them so sure of what they know. Anything else outside of what they think is right will not make sense for them, most especially if it’s from their wives. I am realizing now, more than ever, that there are certain things that men will only hear from other men.
Another revelation I’ve had on why men have a listening problem when it comes to their wives is not so much for them but for us. God wants us to bring up the matter to Him so He will be the one to talk to our husbands and deal with them. This actually reminds me of a conversation I’ve had with a Pastor’s wife a few years ago. They’ve been married for over 20 years and I was just on the 2nd year of my marriage then, so I thought a godly advice from her will be very beneficial to me. So I asked her, “What advice can you give me on how I can better communicate with my husband”? She answered, “Don’t communicate”. I thought I heard her wrong so I asked her, “What do you mean”? She said, “Don’t communicate. He won’t hear you. Bring everything before the Lord and let Him speak to him. It will make your job easier”.
Though I received what she told me at that time, I still didn’t fully understand it until I experienced the frustration for myself on trying to communicate with my husband, and of course the never ending “I told you so” when I proved myself right, which happened most of the time. Over time I’ve learned to follow the advice of that Pastor’s wife and God has proven Himself so faithful in this area. There were so many incidents when my husband told me, “God revealed to me that ... “, and it was the same prayer I have been praying to God to make known to my husband.
Actually, my conversations with God opened the door to a better communication between me and my husband. My husband is getting better at listening to me and in considering and respecting my advices.
While I became an expert in bringing my concerns about my husband to the Lord, I remained an amateur in the “I told you so” part. It was actually during one conversation with my husband when I realized how these “I told you so” affect him. Of course there I was again telling him, “I told you that a few days ago” or “I remember telling you that”, and he finally said to me, “How come you always tell me that you told me?”, and I said “Coz I really told you but you didn’t listen to me”. Then he said, “How come you seem like you know everything”? That was all I needed to hear. A revelation came to me. I was projecting a Miss Know-It-All image to my husband, a prideful spirit, someone who wants to make him see that I am right and he is wrong. In a way I was belittling my husband by telling him “I told you so”, and this is not good. The best way a man can be destroyed is by telling him that he is not good enough or he is no good.
After this revelation, I made a commitment not to ever say “I told you so” to my husband again. I am still in the process but I am getting better. As the saying goes, “Practice makes perfect”.
~Lisa Maki~
