marriage: a breeding place for miracles
It is not easy seeing things clearly when it is too close. It is when we are farther away that we can see it from a clearer angle and a bigger perspective. This is why we miss a lot of miracles that happen on a daily basis. We look everywhere and wonder where the miracle is, unmindful that it is right between our eyes.
Just as we do not see how a seed grows from under the ground, we also do not see how God is working inside of us. What is obvious to our physical eye is what is happening on the outside: an alcoholic husband, a nagging wife, bills that are piling up, etc. We then go before God, complaining about our situation, not knowing that we are making it worse by focusing on it and even talking about it.
What a lot of us do not realize is that the problems we see outside of us are actually a reflection of what is wrong inside of us. A wife complaining about a husband who flirts with other women may actually have deep insecurity issues, or a wife complaining about a controlling husband may actually have past issues of being controlled. Our issues, rooted to our past, affect the way we see things.
Imagine a husband who has abandonment issues and a wife who suffered from control issues with men from her past. This was exactly how it was with me and my husband. We had a big fight one day and I threatened to leave him. He got my keys and my cell phone and I freaked out. I felt suffocated; the same feeling I had when I was a teenager and my Dad didn’t want me to leave the house. My husband then said, “So you will also leave me like what they did to me?” I did not realize then how severe our issues were. And more issues were exposed as we progressed in our marriage.
Imagine a husband who has abandonment issues and a wife who suffered from control issues with men from her past. This was exactly how it was with me and my husband. We had a big fight one day and I threatened to leave him. He got my keys and my cell phone and I freaked out. I felt suffocated; the same feeling I had when I was a teenager and my Dad didn’t want me to leave the house. My husband then said, “So you will also leave me like what they did to me?” I did not realize then how severe our issues were. And more issues were exposed as we progressed in our marriage.
No healing can take place unless issues are exposed. And marital issues are only exposed during crisis, mostly during fights.
Our issues are like rust at the bottom of a barrel with water. It lies underneath and stays there until someone stirs up the water. Only then will the rust rise to the surface. This is what God does to us when we experience problems in the marriage.
How often do we fail to see this? We go to God complaining about our problems, thinking that it is a hopeless situation, blaming our spouse for what is going on. We don’t realize that God is working out a process of healing in each of us, a miracle that will never happen if we do not see the big picture. And honestly, it is hard to see the big picture when you are in that situation. Only a person from the outside can help you see, unless you have the gift of being able to separate yourself from your problem and look at it objectively, or better yet, from God’s viewpoint.
Over the years and after so many trials, I am finally learning to look at things from God’s perspective. When I see my husband acting in a way that does not please me, I can pause and watch what God is trying to do. Instead of acting fearful, impatient, or frustrated, I can now sit back, pray for God’s perfect will to happen, and trust that He has our best interest in mind. Thus, I am able to witness a miracle unfold right before my eyes – a transformation that happens faster if I don’t meddle with what God’s doing. Yes, you and I are the ones who get in the way of God’s miracles that He wants to perform in our marriage. Our doubts, fears, and focusing on the problems more than God, are blocking Him from doing a full and thorough work. To make matters worse, we even try to take situations into our own hands. Instead of surrendering to God and having a quiet spirit as wives, we nag our husbands and give them ultimatums. We consult other wives who do not have a single clue as to what God is doing privately inside of our husbands. Some give up and file for divorce, without even giving God the chance to show up.
Our worst problems can be the best opportunity for a miracle. And while that miracle is performing a process in your spouse, a miracle is also happening inside of you, that is, if you learn to sit back and look at things from God’s eyes. Incidentally, when Jesus rebuked Peter and called him “Satan”, He said, "You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God's." (Mark 5:13)
If my husband, for instance, is losing his temper, I, seeing things from a human perspective would think this way: “There he goes again. I am so sick of this. When will this end? When will he change?” If I look at it from God’s perspective, I will be thinking this way: “Hmmm, it seems like God is exposing some anger issues here. I wonder what he is going through. It must be hard. Father, help me deal with this graciously so that I won’t get in your way. Teach him to control his anger. Give him peace.”
I am not just saying this because I think it will work. I am saying this because this is what God has taught me. And while I am going through the “God point of view”, a miracle is also taking place in me. I see more patience, humility, grace, understanding, empathy, and trust that is all happening at the same time inside of me.
If my husband, for instance, is losing his temper, I, seeing things from a human perspective would think this way: “There he goes again. I am so sick of this. When will this end? When will he change?” If I look at it from God’s perspective, I will be thinking this way: “Hmmm, it seems like God is exposing some anger issues here. I wonder what he is going through. It must be hard. Father, help me deal with this graciously so that I won’t get in your way. Teach him to control his anger. Give him peace.”
I am not just saying this because I think it will work. I am saying this because this is what God has taught me. And while I am going through the “God point of view”, a miracle is also taking place in me. I see more patience, humility, grace, understanding, empathy, and trust that is all happening at the same time inside of me.
Nothing is more beautiful than witnessing a miracle unveil slowly before you, a miracle that you will not even know is there if you do not start seeing things from God’s perspective.
Nothing is more rewarding than seeing the Potter transform the clay into a work of art that will showcase His glory.
Nothing is more honorable than being the very witness to this transformation, a spokesperson of God’s miraculous work that you can share with others who are missing the whole point.
Nothing is more honorable than being the very witness to this transformation, a spokesperson of God’s miraculous work that you can share with others who are missing the whole point.
Begin today by asking God to give you eyes that see from His point of view. I promise He will give it to you.
Lisa Maki
15 February 2015
15 February 2015
