MISTRESS TO BRIDE
I am known for writing controversial articles within the Christian community. I have been commended by others for being very vocal and bold about my past. How can I not? I no longer live in me but Christ lives in me. My past is gone. However, God continues to use it to make me stand in awe of Him, and to encourage others who are still there. It makes others see how a broken vessel like me can be restored into a new vase, unrecognizable for what it was in the past. It redeems the ugliness and sinfulness of the things I did, not because God says it is okay, but because He turns to good what the enemy meant for evil. Yes, I regret so many things I did in my past. I could have lived my life better. Yet if not for it, I won’t have a testimony to share. It was because of my dark past that led me to take my salvation and redemption seriously, and to be very hard against the very sins I used to commit, ignorant then for how evil it was.
I have dreamed of being married to my prince charming since I was 10 years old. The love my Dad and Mom shared with each other made me long to be with my husband someday. Unfortunately, my hunger for my Dad’s love got in the way of my desire to be married the way it should have been. It opened doors for promiscuity at a young age, and at 19, I was pregnant, and married. The neglect and cheating I experienced from that marriage distorted my concept of relationships. I began to think that being a mistress was better than being a wife. Husbands who have mistresses desire them more than their wives. The wife stays home and takes care of the children; the mistress gets all the sex and fun. The wife is looked at as the mother figure; the mistress is the friend and playmate. The wife goes through the routine of mundane life; the mistress gets all the excitement and thrill. With all these in my mind, I decided I would rather be the “other woman”. I didn’t care if I was ruining a marriage. I thought that if a married man would like me, then he already has a problem in his marriage ... for why will he like me if his wife is better than me? Thus was the beginning of my experience as the other woman.
It was more miserable than I thought it was. Yes you have all the fun and thrill, but only because you can’t be exposed out there for everyone to see. You are the hidden toy, tucked inside the closet when you are needed. Yes you are desired, but only because he can’t have you everyday. Once he becomes very familiar with you ... once you start getting jealous ... once you start acting like a mother to him ... once you begin to remind him of his wife, then the mystery is gone. Yes you are the friend and playmate, but only for the more shallow things in life; the deeper things are reserved for his wife who knows him so much better than you do. And if he gets sick, or even dies, you can’t even be there to take care of him or mourn for him. You don’t exist. And if people find out you do, it is going to be very difficult to get accepted.
After I surrendered my life to Jesus and experienced deliverance from this past sinful life, God isolated me for years, away from any relationship with men. He healed me from my wounds and cleansed me from all the contamination. When He was done with this phase, He brought me to the man He chose for me as my husband. Little did I know that God would turn my experience as a mistress for the great benefit of my marriage.
Since I have experienced both sides, I can say that the best of both worlds (of course I can’t say that there is anything good about sin, but just for the sake of discussion) made me see things from a greater perspective. I know for a fact that no woman can ever take a man from his wife if he is very satisfied with her. This includes all areas of the relationship – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. A satisfied husband may look at a woman once, twice, but realize that she is no better than his wife. I want my husband to desire me like a man desires for his mistress, but love me deeply the way a husband does for his wife. Since I have been on both sides, I am very familiar with the ingredients that go with both and have mixed them together – a perfect concoction of the girl you will bring home to mom; and the girl you want to go to bed with.
Wives, listen to me. A mistress always looks good for her man because she has to compete with the wife. She knows that it is one of her best angles. Take this mindset and always look your best for your husband, even if you are just at home. Of course looking your best depends on his preference too. My husband prefers the more casual, dressed down look for me. He loves it when I wear my overalls. Find out what your husband really likes and be that way for him. I can hear some of you saying, “I will dress the way I want to.” I am not saying you should not; but combine it with what he prefers. Over the years of being married to my husband, I have learned to fuse together my style and the style he likes for me. It works perfect! This is what teamwork is all about.
Serve your husband like a king. 1 Peter 3 says that women of old, giving specific reference to Sarah, beautify themselves by submitting to their husbands; and for Sarah it was even calling her husband lord. Do not think of this as you being a doormat. The opposite is true. Only a real Royal Queen knows how to treat her husband as a king, just as in the case of Esther. Cook the best meals for him. Make your house the most comfortable for him (remember, super clean and organized does not necessarily mean comfortable for a man). Give him a massage. Welcome him with gladness when he comes home. Praise him for all the good things you see in him. Tell him how good he looks. Make him feel desired. Believe me; you will benefit more for doing all these. You will drive all those Jezebels away before they even come, and you will get the best royal treatment you deserve.
Lastly, do not get stuck in your schedules and ways. Be flexible. If he wants to play golf with you, go for it even if you don’t really enjoy it. If he wants to watch a show with you that you don’t even understand, watch it with him and just enjoy the company. If you won’t be there for him when he wants to, somebody else may offer it.
Do not ever be complacent. Be better than you were yesterday. Make your marriage your ministry. It is the highest calling a woman can ever have.
Lisa Maki
21 May 2015
21 May 2015
