NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME
There I was, sobbing in my room, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wanted to drink beer and smoke a cigarette but I didn’t have any. I couldn’t ask my mom for money or she would have asked me what it was for. Besides, it was already late at night, not to mention the fact that I was only 15. I called my friend on the phone, wishing that she could sleep over for the night, and wishing that she can bring some alcohol and cigarettes. Too bad she couldn’t leave her house that night.
So there I was, crying all by myself, wondering why I had more problems than any of my friends. I couldn’t even talk to my mom. How could she have understood that I was hurting because my boyfriend cheated on me? She would have just told me to leave my boyfriend or not to take it too seriously. And my sister??? She was too young to even understand what having a boyfriend meant. My dad? Forget it! He never even let me explain about anything, let alone open up to him.
I don’t remember anymore how many times I felt so alone growing up as a teenager. None of my friends understood what I was going through. I remember a night with my friends when we had a sleep-over at a friend’s house. I started opening up to them about my dad ... how strict he was, how I wanted to run away from home, how detached he was from me, and how I felt so alone. All they told me was, “Your dad knows what’s best for you”. Ugh!!! These were friends I loved so much but didn’t understand what I was going through.
And then I had another set of friends who were just rebellious. They advised me to run away from home but were never there to help me (check my other story on this one).
Though I had so many friends back then, I felt detached from everyone. I was a very sociable person on the outside but deep inside I felt nobody really knew me. I learned how to keep everything to myself, to take every hurt and pain, and to bottle up all my anger. This went on and on even after my teenage years. I tried hiding the pain through my relationships, through cigarettes, through alcohol, through partying, and later on through my children and career.
My feeling of “aloneness” made me talk to God a lot of times. Though I was never religious, I had a pretty good grasp of God and prayer. Being raised Catholic, I knew that God answers prayers. I don’t remember anymore what my prayers were back then. What I do remember is I talked to Jesus several times just like talking to an imaginary friend. Little did I know that it was God’s way of drawing me closer to Him and of preparing me for the day when I will totally surrender myself to Him.
My feeling of “aloneness” made me desperate for someone who will understand me. It made me realize that only God can ever understand me. It made me so hungry for God when I finally discovered His great love. It made me the kind of woman I am now.
So if you are going through this same thing that I am talking about, be encouraged. You are not alone in this journey. Some other girl out there is feeling alone. Some other girl in the past, just like me, felt the same way you are feeling now.
Don’t feel frustrated when your friends, boyfriend, and family do not understand you. They never will. Even if they do, it won’t come close to what you are really feeling. Only God can understand you because He was the One who made you. He knows every facet of you. The Bible says He knows even the number of your hair.
Let me share with you something that God said about you in Psalm 139. Read it as if God is speaking directly to you.
I have searched you (thoroughly) and have known you. I know your downsitting and your uprising; I understand your thought afar off. I sift and search out your path and your lying down, and I am acquainted with all your ways. For there is not a word in your tongue, but, behold, I know it altogether. My knowledge is too wonderful for you; it is high above you, you cannot reach it.
Your frame was not hidden from Me when you were being formed in secret in the depths of the earth. My eyes saw your unformed substance, and in My book all the days (of your life) were written before ever they took shape. How precious and weighty are my thoughts of you! How vast is the sum of them!
God’s knowledge and understanding of you is way beyond you. He knows you perfectly well. He knows your pain and hurt. He is allowing you to go through what you are going through so you will run to Him. He will never force you to love Him; but He is waiting on you to come to Him, learn more about Him, and then love Him. He will never dictate on you what to do. He will remind you but He will not enforce anything on you.
I was a stubborn and rebellious girl. I ignored God’s voice several times. I chose to find solutions for myself. And look what I got myself into ... an early pregnancy, a marriage I was not ready for which ended up in divorce and hurting my two boys, and a life of running round and round in circles.
You don’t have to go through all these. You can condition your mind right now and say that nobody but God can ever understand you. You can choose to run to God and not even to family and friends when you are going through something. You can choose to make Jesus your best friend. You can decide to follow Him and His perfect plan for you. You can decide to surrender your life to Him instead of figuring things out on your own. If you do all these, you will be spared from further damage that you can bring into your life and the lives of other people around you.
Take it from me. I’ve been there.
And, if you need someone to talk to, I can be here for you. I will not understand you the way God does but I can tell you what I’ve been through, encourage you, and help you discover God more.
~Lisa Maki~
So there I was, crying all by myself, wondering why I had more problems than any of my friends. I couldn’t even talk to my mom. How could she have understood that I was hurting because my boyfriend cheated on me? She would have just told me to leave my boyfriend or not to take it too seriously. And my sister??? She was too young to even understand what having a boyfriend meant. My dad? Forget it! He never even let me explain about anything, let alone open up to him.
I don’t remember anymore how many times I felt so alone growing up as a teenager. None of my friends understood what I was going through. I remember a night with my friends when we had a sleep-over at a friend’s house. I started opening up to them about my dad ... how strict he was, how I wanted to run away from home, how detached he was from me, and how I felt so alone. All they told me was, “Your dad knows what’s best for you”. Ugh!!! These were friends I loved so much but didn’t understand what I was going through.
And then I had another set of friends who were just rebellious. They advised me to run away from home but were never there to help me (check my other story on this one).
Though I had so many friends back then, I felt detached from everyone. I was a very sociable person on the outside but deep inside I felt nobody really knew me. I learned how to keep everything to myself, to take every hurt and pain, and to bottle up all my anger. This went on and on even after my teenage years. I tried hiding the pain through my relationships, through cigarettes, through alcohol, through partying, and later on through my children and career.
My feeling of “aloneness” made me talk to God a lot of times. Though I was never religious, I had a pretty good grasp of God and prayer. Being raised Catholic, I knew that God answers prayers. I don’t remember anymore what my prayers were back then. What I do remember is I talked to Jesus several times just like talking to an imaginary friend. Little did I know that it was God’s way of drawing me closer to Him and of preparing me for the day when I will totally surrender myself to Him.
My feeling of “aloneness” made me desperate for someone who will understand me. It made me realize that only God can ever understand me. It made me so hungry for God when I finally discovered His great love. It made me the kind of woman I am now.
So if you are going through this same thing that I am talking about, be encouraged. You are not alone in this journey. Some other girl out there is feeling alone. Some other girl in the past, just like me, felt the same way you are feeling now.
Don’t feel frustrated when your friends, boyfriend, and family do not understand you. They never will. Even if they do, it won’t come close to what you are really feeling. Only God can understand you because He was the One who made you. He knows every facet of you. The Bible says He knows even the number of your hair.
Let me share with you something that God said about you in Psalm 139. Read it as if God is speaking directly to you.
I have searched you (thoroughly) and have known you. I know your downsitting and your uprising; I understand your thought afar off. I sift and search out your path and your lying down, and I am acquainted with all your ways. For there is not a word in your tongue, but, behold, I know it altogether. My knowledge is too wonderful for you; it is high above you, you cannot reach it.
Your frame was not hidden from Me when you were being formed in secret in the depths of the earth. My eyes saw your unformed substance, and in My book all the days (of your life) were written before ever they took shape. How precious and weighty are my thoughts of you! How vast is the sum of them!
God’s knowledge and understanding of you is way beyond you. He knows you perfectly well. He knows your pain and hurt. He is allowing you to go through what you are going through so you will run to Him. He will never force you to love Him; but He is waiting on you to come to Him, learn more about Him, and then love Him. He will never dictate on you what to do. He will remind you but He will not enforce anything on you.
I was a stubborn and rebellious girl. I ignored God’s voice several times. I chose to find solutions for myself. And look what I got myself into ... an early pregnancy, a marriage I was not ready for which ended up in divorce and hurting my two boys, and a life of running round and round in circles.
You don’t have to go through all these. You can condition your mind right now and say that nobody but God can ever understand you. You can choose to run to God and not even to family and friends when you are going through something. You can choose to make Jesus your best friend. You can decide to follow Him and His perfect plan for you. You can decide to surrender your life to Him instead of figuring things out on your own. If you do all these, you will be spared from further damage that you can bring into your life and the lives of other people around you.
Take it from me. I’ve been there.
And, if you need someone to talk to, I can be here for you. I will not understand you the way God does but I can tell you what I’ve been through, encourage you, and help you discover God more.
~Lisa Maki~
