she knew
This is the 3rd in a series of Torah teaching on marriage, for the wives specifically.
Rebekah is the second of the four matriarchs of the nation of Israel. Her story was written not only for history’s sake but to teach us, wives, great and valuable lessons on being “help-meets”.
To begin with, let me give a summary of how Rebecca became Isaac’s wife.
Now Abraham was old, well advanced in years. And the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things. And Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh, that I may make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, but will go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac.” The servant said to him, “Perhaps the woman may not be willing to follow me to this land. Must I then take your son back to the land from which you came?” Abraham said to him, “See to it that you do not take my son back there. The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from the land of my kindred, and who spoke to me and swore to me, ‘To your offspring I will give this land,’ he will send his angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there. But if the woman is not willing to follow you, then you will be free from this oath of mine; only you must not take my son back there.” So the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master and swore to him concerning this matter (Genesis 24:1-9).
The servant of Abraham followed his orders and went to look for a wife for Isaac. When he reached his destination he prayed this prayer:
“O Lord, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham. Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels’—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master” (Genesis 24:12-14).
Now Abraham was old, well advanced in years. And the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things. And Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh, that I may make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, but will go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac.” The servant said to him, “Perhaps the woman may not be willing to follow me to this land. Must I then take your son back to the land from which you came?” Abraham said to him, “See to it that you do not take my son back there. The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from the land of my kindred, and who spoke to me and swore to me, ‘To your offspring I will give this land,’ he will send his angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there. But if the woman is not willing to follow you, then you will be free from this oath of mine; only you must not take my son back there.” So the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master and swore to him concerning this matter (Genesis 24:1-9).
The servant of Abraham followed his orders and went to look for a wife for Isaac. When he reached his destination he prayed this prayer:
“O Lord, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham. Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘Drink, and I will water your camels’—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master” (Genesis 24:12-14).
Before he had finished speaking, BEHOLD, Rebekah came. She did exactly as the servant of Abraham prayed for. He then gave her a gold ring, and two arm bracelets and asked her whose daughter she was. She answered him, he worshiped the Lord, and then she ran. Yes, “she ran” and told her mother’s household about these things.
Two things stirred me up about Rebekah in these Scriptures above.
First, she was not shocked with what Abraham’s servant told her. It was as if “she already knew”. She didn’t even ask him to explain, or question him, or resisted anything. She knew. She must have been praying for her promised man. God must have revealed something to her. I believe He did.
The second thing that stirred me up was when Rebekah ran. Verse 28 says: Then the young woman ran and told her mother's household about these things.
I believe this is more than the excitement over the gifts she got or over what the man told her. I believe it was an excitement over a fulfillment of a prophecy. She didn’t want to delay anything because she knew it was time. This reminds me of Isaiah 60:22 that says: I am the Lord; in its time I will hasten it.
So Rebekah brought the man to her home and introduced him to her family. The man explained everything to them, exactly as it happened. Then Laban (Rebekah’s brother) and Bethuel (Rebekah’s father) told Abraham’s servant: “The thing has come from the Lord; we cannot speak to you bad or good. Behold, Rebekah is before you; take her and go, and let her be the wife of your master's son, as the Lord has spoken” (Genesis 24:50-51).
Abraham’s servant stayed for the night and in the morning asked them to send him back to his master. Rebekah’s brother and mother said, “Let the young woman remain with us a while, at least ten days; after that she may go”. But he said to them, “Do not delay me, since the Lord has prospered my way. Send me away that I may go to my master.” They said, “Let us call the young woman and ask her.” And they called Rebekah and said to her, “Will you go with this man?” She said, “I will go” (vv.55-58).
Rebekah said, “I will go” without hesitation and without even thinking. She did not want to delay anything. She knew it was time.
Rebekah and Abraham’s servant traveled back to where Isaac was.
The second thing that stirred me up was when Rebekah ran. Verse 28 says: Then the young woman ran and told her mother's household about these things.
I believe this is more than the excitement over the gifts she got or over what the man told her. I believe it was an excitement over a fulfillment of a prophecy. She didn’t want to delay anything because she knew it was time. This reminds me of Isaiah 60:22 that says: I am the Lord; in its time I will hasten it.
So Rebekah brought the man to her home and introduced him to her family. The man explained everything to them, exactly as it happened. Then Laban (Rebekah’s brother) and Bethuel (Rebekah’s father) told Abraham’s servant: “The thing has come from the Lord; we cannot speak to you bad or good. Behold, Rebekah is before you; take her and go, and let her be the wife of your master's son, as the Lord has spoken” (Genesis 24:50-51).
Abraham’s servant stayed for the night and in the morning asked them to send him back to his master. Rebekah’s brother and mother said, “Let the young woman remain with us a while, at least ten days; after that she may go”. But he said to them, “Do not delay me, since the Lord has prospered my way. Send me away that I may go to my master.” They said, “Let us call the young woman and ask her.” And they called Rebekah and said to her, “Will you go with this man?” She said, “I will go” (vv.55-58).
Rebekah said, “I will go” without hesitation and without even thinking. She did not want to delay anything. She knew it was time.
Rebekah and Abraham’s servant traveled back to where Isaac was.
Now Isaac had returned from Beer-lahai-roi and was dwelling in the Negeb. And Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening. And he lifted up his eyes and saw, and behold, there were camels coming. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from the camel and said to the servant, “Who is that man, walking in the field to meet us?” The servant said, “It is my master.” So she took her veil and covered herself. And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. Then Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother's death (vv.62-67).
Isaac loved Rebekah after she became his wife. It is not the other way around. This is so contrary to what a lot of people, even Christians, believe. The majority think that you should fall in love first, before marrying someone else. This was not the case with Isaac and Rebekah. They didn’t even know each other. Yet the Word of God says that after she became Isaac’s wife, he fell in love with her. You want to know why? It was an “arranged” marriage by God Himself. I truly believe that there is only one person for each of us and only God knows who he is. And when those two people finally meet, sparks will fly and they will be in love forever after, not in accordance to the world's standards of love but according to God's standards.
When I met my husband, I knew he was the one. God revealed to me who my husband was going to be, long before I even saw him in person. Just like Rebekah, I knew. Our spirits connected instantly that first time. However, God hid a lot of things from him about me, until the right time. After we were married, my husband fell in love with me. And now, after six years, he tells me how he is even more in love with me. I feel the same way. This is what marriage is all about. As the two of you become one, you become more inseparable … more in tune with each other’s needs … more one … more in love. It is no different from our relationship with Jesus. The more we know Him, the more we fall in love with Him; and the more we fall in love with Him, the more we want to know Him.
So Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. The love that he felt for Rebekah comforted him. This is one special role that we have as help-meets to our husbands. We are their comforter. Our love soothes their wounded hearts.
When I met my husband, I knew he was the one. God revealed to me who my husband was going to be, long before I even saw him in person. Just like Rebekah, I knew. Our spirits connected instantly that first time. However, God hid a lot of things from him about me, until the right time. After we were married, my husband fell in love with me. And now, after six years, he tells me how he is even more in love with me. I feel the same way. This is what marriage is all about. As the two of you become one, you become more inseparable … more in tune with each other’s needs … more one … more in love. It is no different from our relationship with Jesus. The more we know Him, the more we fall in love with Him; and the more we fall in love with Him, the more we want to know Him.
So Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. The love that he felt for Rebekah comforted him. This is one special role that we have as help-meets to our husbands. We are their comforter. Our love soothes their wounded hearts.
What I want you to understand is that your husband is not like you in the sense that he can’t express his feelings the way you do. Most of the time, he can’t even discern what he is feeling. So your love makes him feel good without even him knowing why. He just knows that it is good … that it is comforting. He may not even realize that your love heals him.
Our enemy knows this too well which is why he does things that make us feel detached from our husbands. When we feel hurt, we detach, right? And when we detach, we also withhold love. When we withhold love, our husbands start feeling insecure. Don’t tell him this though, for he may not even know it, let alone admit it. Men express their insecurities differently than we do. They keep themselves more preoccupied when they feel insecure. They can also become more irritable and agitated and may vent it out not only on you but on others too.
I am sure by now you may be saying: “You know what, Lisa is right. I never thought about it this way”. Guess what? I did not know too until God gave me a Word one day for my husband.
Unfailing love and faithfulness protect the king; his throne is made secure through love (Proverbs 20:28).
Since then I have been very careful in obeying this Word. During times when it becomes very difficult for me to obey this, I notice the big change in him right away. I see the agitation, the insecurity, and the preoccupation. And if I am not careful, his reactions towards my withholding my love from him can bounce back on me again, making me more detached, which will just make him more insecure. It does not end.
Our enemy knows this too well which is why he does things that make us feel detached from our husbands. When we feel hurt, we detach, right? And when we detach, we also withhold love. When we withhold love, our husbands start feeling insecure. Don’t tell him this though, for he may not even know it, let alone admit it. Men express their insecurities differently than we do. They keep themselves more preoccupied when they feel insecure. They can also become more irritable and agitated and may vent it out not only on you but on others too.
I am sure by now you may be saying: “You know what, Lisa is right. I never thought about it this way”. Guess what? I did not know too until God gave me a Word one day for my husband.
Unfailing love and faithfulness protect the king; his throne is made secure through love (Proverbs 20:28).
Since then I have been very careful in obeying this Word. During times when it becomes very difficult for me to obey this, I notice the big change in him right away. I see the agitation, the insecurity, and the preoccupation. And if I am not careful, his reactions towards my withholding my love from him can bounce back on me again, making me more detached, which will just make him more insecure. It does not end.
Now let us move to another Scripture about Rebekah -- the time when she found out that there were twins in her womb.
And Isaac prayed to the Lord for his wife, because she was barren. And the Lord granted his prayer, and Rebekah his wife conceived. The children struggled together within her, and she said, “If it is thus, why is this happening to me?” So she went to inquire of the Lord. And the Lord said to her, “Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you shall be divided; the one shall be stronger than the other, the older shall serve the younger” (Genesis 25:21-23).
Again, Rebekah knew … just as she had known when Abraham’s servant told her that she was going to be Isaac’s wife. She knew that the older one in her womb will serve the younger one. She did not tell her husband. She knew he will not understand, unless God reveals to him. She kept it to herself. No wonder she told Jacob, “Let your curse be on me, my son; only obey my voice, and go, bring them to me” (Genesis 27:13) when she instructed him to pretend to be Esau so he can get his father's blessings.
Again, Rebekah knew … just as she had known when Abraham’s servant told her that she was going to be Isaac’s wife. She knew that the older one in her womb will serve the younger one. She did not tell her husband. She knew he will not understand, unless God reveals to him. She kept it to herself. No wonder she told Jacob, “Let your curse be on me, my son; only obey my voice, and go, bring them to me” (Genesis 27:13) when she instructed him to pretend to be Esau so he can get his father's blessings.
This is another great lesson for us, wives. As women, we love to talk and express ourselves. And when we say “I want to express myself”, it means “I want to talk about all the details of what I have been thinking about and what has been going on inside of me”. Other than our love for talking and expressing ourselves, we are also very reactive. We want to talk about everything we see, think, and feel, at that very moment. A typical woman who is in Rebekah’s shoes would have ran to her husband and told her exactly what she heard from God about her twins. Ironically, the same woman who “ran” to tell her family about the fulfillment of a prophecy about her marriage is the same woman who kept things to herself over a greater prophecy about her children. What a woman!
There is a time to get excited and tell our husbands what we think and feel, and times when we have to keep things between us and the Lord. This is something I have learned over and over again. There are things that God reveals to the wife first, and will have to be kept a secret until the time that God Himself reveals to the husband. I did not understand this then, which brought about a lot of hurts and frustrations on my part. Now that I know, I get less frustrated. And if I keep getting better, I will have less and less frustrations.
There is a time to get excited and tell our husbands what we think and feel, and times when we have to keep things between us and the Lord. This is something I have learned over and over again. There are things that God reveals to the wife first, and will have to be kept a secret until the time that God Himself reveals to the husband. I did not understand this then, which brought about a lot of hurts and frustrations on my part. Now that I know, I get less frustrated. And if I keep getting better, I will have less and less frustrations.
My fellow wives …
Most of our frustrations with our husbands stem from our feelings of hurts over their insensitivity. We feel like they don’t listen to us or don’t even hear us … that they don’t even care if we are hurting … that they can just ignore what we are going through. The truth of the matter is: they are created differently than we are. And if we will just learn to communicate more with God, then He will be the One to tell our husbands everything He wants them to know about us. Let me repeat that again … “everything He wants them to know about us”, not what we want them to know about us.
Let us “let God be God”. Let us not take matters into our own hands. Just like our matriarch Rebekah, let us be very sensitive to God’s leading so that we will also have an ‘inner knowing’ at all times.
Lisa Maki is the founder/editor of God'z Gurlz, a Bible-based online magazine for women. She and her husband Jason are part of the growing movement of Christians who are discovering their Hebrew roots, and who are studying the Torah and its parallelisms to the New Testament. Lisa is likewise a Professional Writer with over 15 years of experience in the field. Jason and Lisa are part of El Shaddai Ministries, a First Century Believers Church headed by Pastor Mark Biltz.
