TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT SEX
NOVEMBER 2012
by Lisa Maki
I was 12 years old when I had my first French kiss. I didn’t even have a clue what it was. I was just reading my fairy tale book when this man who was visiting our house kissed me on my lips with his tongue. He was the same man who sexually molested me (again, I mentioned this in my article on Blessed Sex).
Everything I’ve learned about sex was definitely not from my parents. It was never talked about in the house. My Dad even used to cover the TV screen when there was some love scene, whether it was a kissing scene or something more than that. It was something that no kid can ever question about.
I wonder how many people out there learned sex through the teaching and explanation of their parents. I believe there are very few. My friend played sex with her cousin when they were eight. Of course no actual sex happened but they were still experimenting on each other. My husband was exposed to sex when he was four. A girl his age who was his neighbor taught him how because of what she saw her parents doing. Unbelievable but true!!! I have heard so much more stories on how kids were exposed to sex early in their lives.
It makes a lot of sense to me why these things happen if you look at it from a spiritual perspective. The devil came to kill, steal, and destroy, and he wants to start when we are young so the damages will be greater. I am exposing something so real right now and the enemy for sure does not want this to be brought into the light. This is just what I am going to do through this article.
As parents, it is our responsibility to be the first ones to teach our children about sex. Yet this has to be done in the context of the Word of God. God is the Creator and Designer of sex, and so outside of His realm it is going to be distorted and perverted.
I personally believe that considering what is going on today around us, you have to start educating your children early. You can’t wait until they are adolescents. You have to start the moment they start talking or the moment you can start conversing with them.
Below are key areas and factors about sex that you should discuss with your children. They serve as the foundation for teaching your children what sex is in the context of how God designed it.
1. Sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed by the husband and the wife. Anything outside of this will ruin the beauty of the gift.
2. God designed sex for marriage, for a man and a woman, not a man and a man or a woman and a woman.
3. There is only one man and woman for each person who God chose to be a person’s husband or wife. A boy or girl should preserve himself/herself for this person chosen by God for him/her.
4. Every sexual urge that a person feels is from God and is reserved for the person’s future husband or wife.
5. Taking care of this beautiful gift of sex means exercising discipline and self-control. This is where the Scripture, Do not awaken love until it pleases (Song of Solomon 2:7) rightfully applies.
6. The only way a person can preserve himself/herself for his/her future wife/husband is through constant surrender to Jesus and His Word.
7. God will be the one to send His promised one to His child, in His time.
It will depend on your child’s age and level of comprehension as to how you will explain things to them. Use your better judgment, as led by the Holy Spirit, as to the best time you can talk about this with them. The important thing is for you to instill in them the concept of sex in the light of God’s Word and design.
You have to encourage your children to be open to you about his/her sexuality. Of course there are things that a father can explain better to his son than a mother can in as much as there are things that a mother can explain better to her daughter more than a father can. Your children have to trust you in this matter and not be ashamed or scared.
Everything I’ve learned about sex was definitely not from my parents. It was never talked about in the house. My Dad even used to cover the TV screen when there was some love scene, whether it was a kissing scene or something more than that. It was something that no kid can ever question about.
I wonder how many people out there learned sex through the teaching and explanation of their parents. I believe there are very few. My friend played sex with her cousin when they were eight. Of course no actual sex happened but they were still experimenting on each other. My husband was exposed to sex when he was four. A girl his age who was his neighbor taught him how because of what she saw her parents doing. Unbelievable but true!!! I have heard so much more stories on how kids were exposed to sex early in their lives.
It makes a lot of sense to me why these things happen if you look at it from a spiritual perspective. The devil came to kill, steal, and destroy, and he wants to start when we are young so the damages will be greater. I am exposing something so real right now and the enemy for sure does not want this to be brought into the light. This is just what I am going to do through this article.
As parents, it is our responsibility to be the first ones to teach our children about sex. Yet this has to be done in the context of the Word of God. God is the Creator and Designer of sex, and so outside of His realm it is going to be distorted and perverted.
I personally believe that considering what is going on today around us, you have to start educating your children early. You can’t wait until they are adolescents. You have to start the moment they start talking or the moment you can start conversing with them.
Below are key areas and factors about sex that you should discuss with your children. They serve as the foundation for teaching your children what sex is in the context of how God designed it.
1. Sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed by the husband and the wife. Anything outside of this will ruin the beauty of the gift.
2. God designed sex for marriage, for a man and a woman, not a man and a man or a woman and a woman.
3. There is only one man and woman for each person who God chose to be a person’s husband or wife. A boy or girl should preserve himself/herself for this person chosen by God for him/her.
4. Every sexual urge that a person feels is from God and is reserved for the person’s future husband or wife.
5. Taking care of this beautiful gift of sex means exercising discipline and self-control. This is where the Scripture, Do not awaken love until it pleases (Song of Solomon 2:7) rightfully applies.
6. The only way a person can preserve himself/herself for his/her future wife/husband is through constant surrender to Jesus and His Word.
7. God will be the one to send His promised one to His child, in His time.
It will depend on your child’s age and level of comprehension as to how you will explain things to them. Use your better judgment, as led by the Holy Spirit, as to the best time you can talk about this with them. The important thing is for you to instill in them the concept of sex in the light of God’s Word and design.
You have to encourage your children to be open to you about his/her sexuality. Of course there are things that a father can explain better to his son than a mother can in as much as there are things that a mother can explain better to her daughter more than a father can. Your children have to trust you in this matter and not be ashamed or scared.
