TEN MISTAKES SINGLE WOMEN OF GOD MAKE
IN WAITING FOR THEIR "PROMISED MAN"
Who I am in this walk is based from what I have learned. And most of what I have learned is from the mistakes that I have committed, and what others have committed as well.
Let me share with you what I have learned about being single, waiting for the promised one. This is not in order of priority or whatever. It is a random presentation of a list of mistakes.
Let me share with you what I have learned about being single, waiting for the promised one. This is not in order of priority or whatever. It is a random presentation of a list of mistakes.
Mistake #1: SETTING STANDARDS TOO HIGH
Yes you deserve the best. And yes, you shouldn’t settle for crumbs. Yet you have to be able to distinguish fantasy from reality. Reality is this … that every man out there, regardless of how godly he is, is still a human being living in a mortal body. In short, he is imperfect, just like you. So stop setting standards that nobody can meet except Jesus Himself. Besides, why will Jesus give you someone who will just take His place in your heart?
Mistake #2: FOCUSING ON PERSONAL WANTS AND NEEDS
“I want a man who will provide well for me” … “I want a husband who will pamper me with his love” … “I want a husband who will lead me closer to God”.
There is nothing wrong with these wants. In fact, you have all the right to think of what type of a man you need. However, do not forget that more than your wants, it is what God wants.
Most of the time we don’t even have a clue as to what God wants for us. Jeremiah 29:11 says that God knows the thoughts and plans He has for us, plans for good and not for evil. He has our best interest in mind. And since our thoughts are not His thoughts, we focus more on what we want, and barely consider what God wants for us.
Marriage is God’s. He is the One who knows who is best for you. It may not be necessarily who you think should be the one for you. Of course He grants you your heart’s desire if you delight in Him. Delighting in Him means always considering His perfect will for you, not what you want for yourself.
The best prayer you can pray while waiting for your promised one is: Father, you know who he is. Prepare me for him. I want nothing but your perfect will for me.
My marriage is God’s perfect will. Never in my whole life have I even imagined being with a younger man, let alone 10 years younger than me. Never did I desire to move to another country, let alone over 6,000 miles away from my family and friends. But God knew better. In fact, He knows best. After being married to my promised man for almost 7 years now, I totally understand why God chose him for me, and vice-versa. He never makes mistakes. We do.
Mistake #3: BEING TOO SPIRITUAL
Proverbs 3:21 says ...
My child, don't lose sight of common sense and discernment.
Sad to say, I know a lot of married women of God who forgot common sense when they were waiting to be with their promised men. They were only looking at the spiritual aspect -- the man being prayerful, submitted to God, serving in church, knows the Word, intimate with God, etc. They forgot to look at other crucial factors such as the man’s credit standing, his sense of responsibility, his family background, his mental and emotional issues, other children he has plus his baby’s moms, etc.
Though it is not good to set very high standards, it is also not good to disregard certain standards that are needed for the greater success of the marriage.
For those who are married, it is too late now. You can’t cry over spilled milk. Just know that God chose your man and has blessed your marriage, and that He has equipped you with what you need in dealing with your husband and marriage.
Mistake #4: THE FAIRY TALE CONCEPT
Women love fairy tales. We grew up thinking of a prince rescuing us, and living happily ever after. This never happened to me in the world, but I believed it would happen to me in God. It did. But not in a way that fairy tales portray.
The concept of “living happily ever after” is true, but only when it is anchored on our eternal life in Jesus. We are merely travelers on this planet. Our home (if you consider yourself to be chosen) is not here but in heaven, and eventually heaven on earth. We are all waiting for that. Marriage is not “eternal life” and so it can never be a life of living happily ever after.
It is okay to dream of your man, to fantasize how it’s like to finally see him and hold him, to imagine yourself walking down the aisle, and to picture yourself with him and your future children. However, do not lose sight of the reality side too -- financial challenges, raising a family, and so many other issues that go with the marriage.
Mistake #5: THE NEED FOR A MAN OF GOD
I remember hearing a wedding song years ago that goes this way:
"I see Jesus in your eyes and it makes me love Him.
I feel Jesus in your touch and I know He cares.
I hear Jesus in your voice and it makes me follow".
I cried and cried after hearing that song. I was a single woman of God then, waiting for my promised man. I wanted him so bad. I needed him to lead me closer to Jesus.
This is the sentiment of a lot of single women of God. They want a man who represents Jesus, and who will help them grow in this walk. Although there is nothing wrong with this, it is still pretty dangerous to have this mindset. I will tell you why.
First, you can’t rely on a man or any person for that matter for your growth in God. Though they can help you, you have to build your own solid personal and intimate relationship with Jesus. This is the very essence of salvation and eternal life. If you have a solid relationship with the Savior, you will be able to stand strong in your marriage because you will be relying on and looking up to Him, whatever happens.
Second, it sets you up for major frustration. Just as I have mentioned earlier, every man is an imperfect mortal being.
Yes you need a man of God. But more than that, you need to be a strong woman of God who is secure in your personal relationship with Jesus.
Mistake #6: FOCUSING ON THE PROMISE
If God has given you a vision of your promised man … if He has revealed to you who he is … if He has given you a Scripture about it, then hold on to it. However, holding on to it does not mean focusing on it day in and day out. Faith in God and His promise means you know what He told you and you can relax knowing that He has your best interest in mind.
I remember when I was waiting for my promised man. Boy oh boy was I so preoccupied by thoughts of him. I became more restless than peaceful. As a result, I waited longer.
Keep your focus on the promise-Giver, not the promise. Busy yourself in serving Jesus, more than waiting for your promised man. Avoid putting yourself in situations that will just trigger your desire to be with him. Make the most of your waiting time by doing things that you will not have the luxury of doing when you are finally married. Examples are: hanging out with girl friends, pursuing a hobby, spending hours of quiet time with God, participating in activities, traveling, learning to cook, and preparing to be a wife.
Mistake #7: MAKING THINGS HAPPEN
We are prone to trying to make things happen when we get impatient, and when nothing seems to be happening. This was the same case with the Israelites when they built and worshiped a golden calf. They were waiting for Moses to come down from the mountain, got impatient, and took matters into their own hands. The result was God’s anger and punishment, not to mention all the delays that they went through in their journey.
God designed man to pursue the woman, not the other way around. He created the man as the provider, and the woman the nurturer. Do not make the mistake of being the one looking for and chasing after your man. Let him fulfill his role as the pursuer. But once you are in a relationship with him, it is your responsibility to nurture it. The man should be the one preparing your home for your marriage. Ideally, he should bring you to his place, not you bringing him to yours.
Mistake #8: GETTING WEARY
Waiting for your promised man can seem to be a long journey. It can surely wear you out. If you are in this predicament or when you find yourself in this situation, please go back to Isaiah 40:31.
But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
This further validates what I said earlier on keeping your focus on Jesus. Wait on Him, not on your man. I know it is easier said than done but I have done it several times during my “waiting for my promised man” season. During those days when I felt so weary, I ran to my prayer closet, shut the doors behind me, cried out everything to Jesus, and strengthened myself in Him. Those days were actually one of the best days of my life.
Mistake #9: BECOMING DESPERATE
Never let your desperation make you do stupid things that you will regret for the rest of your life. This season can make you very vulnerable. And vulnerability can lead to desperation, which can lead to foolish decisions.
Again, build your security in Jesus and keep your focus on Him. Just like Peter, you will begin sinking if you take your eyes off Him, even for a short while. You will begin envying other women who are married. You will start feeling unsure of yourself. You will start panicking and thinking that you will just grow old single.
Mistake #10: I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE!
Genesis 2:18 says: It is not good for man to be alone.
I believe that “alone” here means “not having a solid relationship with God” because without Him we are nothing. This I believe is the reason why God did not create Eve right away. He had to make sure first that Adam was solid in Him. If I were to translate this Scripture in my simple understanding of it, it simply means, “It is not good for man/woman to be apart from God”. Only then can he/she be prepared for marriage. Only then can he/she share himself/herself to someone.
This is one of the biggest mistakes that single women of God make. They want to get married because they are lonely, because they feel alone. If you can’t be happy, content, and peaceful being single, what makes you think that you will be as a married person?
Now that I have shared all these with you, apply it in your waiting time. Be prayerful and wise. Learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of others, before it is too late. Once you are married, you are married. It is a lifetime commitment.
Lisa Maki
09 October 2014
09 October 2014
