GOD'Z GURLZ <br />Bible-based webmag for women
  • Home
    • About Us >
      • Time for a Change
      • More about Lisa Maki
      • I Love You
      • Core Values
    • Marriage & Relationships >
      • THE WIFE: THE ARMOUR-BEARER >
        • THE ARMOUR-BEARER WIFE: Her Biggest Stronghold
        • THE ARMOUR-BEARER WIFE: REBUILDING THE WALL
        • The Armour-Bearer Wife: The King-Maker
      • How Long Should I Fight For My Marriage
      • Marriage: A Breeding Place For Miracles
      • MISTRESS TO BRIDE
      • Sex Before Marriage
      • AVOIDING FORNICATION
      • TEN MISTAKES SINGLE WOMEN OF GOD MAKE
      • Divorce and Remarriage
      • Respect and Guard the Marriage, Please
      • Do Not Sweat The Small Stuff In Marriage
      • Becoming One
      • My Marriage was God's Perfect Will
      • If Only
      • Don't Cross The Line
      • To Guard or Not To Guard
      • Soul Mates - Sole Mates
      • Being Married To A Visionary
      • One Team
      • Long-Distance Love: Not for the Faint of Heart
      • Your Husband Is Cheating On You
      • Single Mom's Journey
      • Understanding A Woman's Insecurities
      • God's Bigger Plan For Your Marriage
      • How To Deal With A Controlling Husband
      • Laying Down Your Life For Your Spouse
      • The Leader Wife
      • What I've Learned From My Husband
      • Daddy Issues
      • Cheat-Proof Your Marriage
      • Don't Reverse The Roles
      • Fighting For Purity
      • I Have The Best Husband
      • Dealing With Your Husband's Past
      • Wives ... ATTENTION!
      • Dealing With An Angry Husband
      • Get Down On Your Knees
      • God Hates Divorce!
      • How My Wife's Submission Changed Me
      • A Smile That Can Launch A Thousand Ships
      • Match-Maker
      • Single Mom Gets Married
      • Newly Married? The First Critical Years
      • Warrior Bride
      • Women Are Wiser
      • Pursue Me!
      • Worldly Friendships Vs. Godly Friendships
      • Bite Your Tongue
      • Spiritual Than Thou
      • My Career As A Help-Meet
      • A Good Help-Meet Is Good In Bed
      • Are You Sure You're Ready For Marriage
      • Beware Of Waiting For Your Promised Man
      • Talking To Kids About Sex
      • Embracing Your Call As A Help-Meet
      • Equal Rights?
      • I Feel So Distant
      • God Knows Who You Need
      • How Do I Know If He/She Is The Right One For Me?
      • Soul Mate - Sole Mate
      • It's Not About You
      • With All Due Respect
      • I Told You So
      • Marriage Is A Healing Ground
      • You'll Never Know What Marriage Is Until You Get There
      • Divide and Conquer
      • Father-Daughter Connection
    • Heart to Heart >
      • Are you a Queen?
      • Overcoming Depression
      • One Blow After The Next
      • Why Worry?
      • When Your Heart Gets Numb
      • Hurt Gone Deep
      • Let It Hurt!
      • I Chose Jesus, But Why Am I Hurting?
      • Onion Skin
      • Test Of Patience
      • Battle of the Minds
      • You Need Time To Heal
      • Waking Up From A Bad Dream
      • Voices From The Past
      • Don't Let Anyone Steal That Joy
      • Beat That Bad Day
      • Cross-Over
      • A Demon Called Doubt
      • Are You Sure You Are Ready To Change?
      • Learning To Trust Again
    • Inspirational >
      • Coming to Terms
      • I Repent!
      • The Unexpected Storm
      • God is a God of Process
      • Above all ... LOVE
      • When God Takes You Out Of Your Comfort Zone
      • I Don't Understand
      • You Don't Have A Clue
      • Where The Paths Meet
      • Did You Pass The Test?
      • Let Go Of That Crutch!
      • There's Something About Mary
      • Honing The Gift Of Discernment
      • God Is More Stubborn Than You
    • Teens >
      • Stop Looking At Me
      • Why Young Girls Fall For Older Men
      • I Wanna Be Cool
      • Teen Sex
      • Do You See Me?
      • I Hate My Mom/Dad
      • Enjoy Your Youth
      • My Boyfriend Is Cheating On Me
      • Teen Mom
      • Nobody Understands Me
      • The Kind Of Guy Who Deserves You
      • The Day I Ran Away From Home
      • Teen Prostitute Receives Jesus
      • Bad Girl vs. Good Girl
      • Why Do I Love Too Much?
      • The Day I Lost My Virginity
      • Hurt-Proof Your Heart
    • Business & Leadership >
      • Communicate More Effectively
      • Successful Negotiations
      • Managing Time Wisely
      • Mistakes Creative Writers Make
      • Communicating Your Vision
      • Guard Your Vision
      • Test Of Leadership
      • Starting A Business
      • Unemployed?
      • Promote Your Business Effectively
      • Work From Home
      • People Are Watching You
      • A Resume That Will Get You That Job
      • Organize Your Thoughts
    • Expose' >
      • Christian Anti-Semitism
      • The Awakening of a Catholic
      • Diary Of A Mistress
      • That Evil Spirit Named "CONTROL"
      • Losing God's Anointing
      • False Assumptions
      • Acceptance or Compromise
      • Burnt Out!
      • Teen Scandal
      • Warning To Married Couples
      • HIV and Condoms
      • Death Of Innocent Children
    • Testify! >
      • ADDICTED TO PORN
      • He Visited Me
      • He Delivered Me
    • Poetry >
      • Mystery
      • Hurts
      • You Can Do It!
    • Delicioso! >
      • Baked Rotini Pasta with Meat Sauce
      • Chicken Fettuccini
    • Meet the Lover of Our Souls
    • Teen Corner
    • Torah Teaching >
      • For Wives >
        • The First Marriage
        • Princess Sarah
        • She Knew
        • Love At First Sight
        • She Saved His Life
      • The Feasts >
        • Keep The SABBATH DAY Holy
        • The Feasts of the Lord
        • Let's Celebrate Passover
        • Rosh Hashana
        • Days of Awe
        • Yom Kippur
      • Testimony >
        • Love Is Lovelier ... The Second Time Around
        • How I Got Into The Messianic Movement
        • My Jewish Jesus
      • Jewish Feasts >
        • Do Not Flatter Yourself
        • Why I Am Celebrating Hanukkah and not Christmas
      • Others >
        • Getting To Know YESHUA
        • Bringing Out, Bringing In
        • Blinded By Despair
        • How God Deals With Those He Truly Trusts
        • Taking Over What Is Yours
        • How God Promises
        • Are We Ready For Our Promised Land?
  • New Articles
    • ME TOO
    • BREAKING CHAINS
    • ANXIETY IS REAL
    • The CHAMELEON spirit
    • Pour Your Water Onto Me
    • When Being Unproductive
    • You Can't Fix Him
    • I Can't Hear
    • I Was Raped!
    • How Well Do You Know Your Purpose?
    • My Secret Garden
    • The Flow of His Presence
    • Love Covers a Multitude of Sins
  • PROPHETIC
    • THE YEAR 2019
    • MARCHING IN
    • THE COMING KINGDOM
    • Flowing in His Circle
    • The Whirlwind
    • Too Long in the Wilderness
  • DEVOTIONAL
  • Warrior Prayer
    • Salvation Prayer
    • Submission Prayer
    • Daily Prayer
    • Rules of Engagement Prayer
    • Entering Warfare Prayer
  • SUPPORT US
  • Online Counseling
  • Archives
    • July 2012
    • August 2012
    • September 2012
    • October 2012
    • November 2012
    • December 2012
    • January 2013
    • Previous Articles >
      • The Best Christmas Gift Not In A Box
      • Is Santa God?
      • Why Are You Celebrating Christmas?
    • February 2013
    • March 2013 >
      • video
  • Contact Information

TTEENS

The Day I Lost My Virginity
August 2012

Picture
I was only 14 years old when I lost my virginity.  It started with finally agreeing to be the girlfriend of this guy I didn’t even like.  It was summer and I thought that having a boyfriend will be fun.  Besides, with a very strict Dad, I’d rather have a boyfriend as an outlet.

First was the kiss.  Next was the fondling.  He gained control over me each time we advanced into the next step.  I felt like a robot that just followed what he told me to do.  Though I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, I still did it.  Stupid as it may sound, I felt obligated to do as he wished.  Perhaps it was my yearning for attention.  Maybe it was my rebellion against my Dad.  Or it can also be his very manipulative ways.  Whatever it was, it was something that brought misery into my life, and which brought about so many issues, some of them I am still dealing with until now.  

Eventually, the fondling led to actual sex.  It was very painful and almost mechanical.  I felt numb.  There was nothing intimate or even beautiful about it.  All I can remember was that I couldn’t walk straight the next day.  Despite the negative experience I’ve had, I still thought to myself that this man was going to be my husband, since he was the one I gave my virginity to.  That just made me more trapped.  The sex continued and it became something that I just had to do.  

Losing my virginity at 14 distorted the beauty of sex in my mind, which I carried on with me for a long time.  It also resulted to a pregnancy, and then a marriage that I was not ready for.  It robbed me off my youth and stole so many opportunities from me.  It also led to a miserable marriage that ended up in an annulment, hurting my two children.

Because of my early exposure to sex, my body became very open to it while my mind and emotions remained detached.  Sex with emotional intimacy was very strange to me.  I saw sex as just a physical act and could not relate any strong emotional feelings to it.  

My very early serious involvement did not allow my emotions to mature and be more prepared for the challenges ahead.  As I mentioned earlier, the sex became my entrapment, keeping me in bondage to a relationship that was not healthy for me.  The cheatings and lies hurt me so bad yet made me feel so helpless about it.  One hurt after the other made my heart more callous.  Ultimately, the walls around my heart grew so thick and high that nobody could even penetrate it.  

My pains also brought about a spirit of vendetta in me … a vengeance not just against my ex-husband but men in general.  Sex became a way for me to bait men, with the intention of dumping them.

I didn’t realize how severe my issues were until I found Jesus and surrendered my life to Him.  It was then that the healing process began.  Slowly, God started exposing my issues to me one by one … issues that were deep seated … issues that traced way back to the day I lost my virginity.

God started revealing to me why He never allowed fornication (sex before marriage) in the first place.  He designed sex for marriage, for the husband and the wife to enjoy as a gift from Him and a gift to each other.  My virginity was my present to my husband on the day that we make a vow to each other, in marriage.  It was meant only for him, not to be given to anyone else, and not to be given before its time.

Though I ended up marrying the man I gave my virginity to, the marriage was not God’s perfect plan for me.  It was the result of a pregnancy, which was the result of fornication.  No wonder it was doomed to fail from day one.  

Praise Jesus for healing, deliverance, and restoration.  Though there are still some issues I am dealing with, for the most part I am totally healed and restored.  This healing gave way to a new marriage, this time from the Lord, and this time, with my gift for him … a virginity that God restored.


~Lisa Maki~


Submit
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.