THE LEADER WIFE
March 2013
by Lisa Maki
Are you a born leader? Have you served in ministry longer than your husband has? Have you been saved longer than your husband? Do you feel that you’re more prayerful than him? Have you been in ministry prior to your marriage? Do you hold a higher position than your husband in your profession or in church?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are in a very challenging position.
I understand how difficult it is to be a follower when you’ve been a leader almost all your life. I know how hard it is to submit to someone who you feel is behind you in this walk. I am aware of the struggle when you have to concede, knowing that you have the right answer.
God knows this too well which is why He said that our submission to our husbands should be AS UNTO HIM.
Indeed it is easier for a young bride (and I am talking of age here, early 20’s) to submit to her husband than for a 30 + wife who has been previously married or who has lived an independent life. It is also easier for a wife, whose husband exceeds her far greater in all aspects, to submit to him rather than a wife who is way ahead of her husband. Too bad God didn’t give us conditions. He didn’t separate the young wife from the older wife. His instructions for wives cut across age and situation.
So if you are this kind of leader wife and you are finding it very difficult to submit, let me give you some piece of advice.
Think of it as a mission you need to accomplish.
As a leader you love to accomplish goals and fulfill visions and missions. Look at your marriage this way, more so in the area of submitting to your husband. Think of it as some project assigned to you that you need to finish. Take the challenge and do it.
Put yourself in his shoes.
Do you realize how “less of man” you probably make your husband feel sometimes? Put yourself in his shoes for a moment and think of how he feels to have a wife like you who is ahead of him in a lot of ways.
Use your leadership skills to teach him how to be one.
If you are truly the leader that you are, then teach your husband how to be one. The most effective method in teaching is by example. I didn’t realize this until my husband told me one day. By just observing me – in my prayer life, how I interact with others, how I set boundaries with certain people, how I set goals and accomplish them, and how I discipline myself – he was learning from me. So many times I hear my husband counsel other men and saying the same things I said to him. That really makes me smile, knowing that he has learned from me.
Do it to express your love for God.
How much do you love God? Jesus Himself said that if we love Him then we should obey Him. So if you truly love God then submit to your husband, for God, out of your love for Him.
Change your mindset.
Women leaders like me have been programmed to think that our authority and power comes from our being leaders. We feel powerful when we are in control. We feel less of a leader when we lose that control. Submission is about losing control which makes it difficult for women leaders. If this is the way you think, I suggest that you start changing your mindset. Remember, everything about God’s principles is the reverse of the world’s principles.
Matthew 20:26-27 It must not be this way among you! Instead whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave
John 13:16 I tell you the solemn truth, the slave is not greater than his master, nor is the one who is sent as a messenger greater than the one who sent him.
Matthew 23:12 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.
If you are the type of woman who is competitive and who thrives on challenges, here is a good one for you ... It takes more strength to submit than to control.
Be the leader that you are for other wives.
Do you realize how many wives are struggling to submit to their husbands? I am realizing this more than ever now. A sister in the Lord even told me recently that after reading my articles she thought I was being brainwashed. Later on she realized that I was indeed brainwashed by the Holy Spirit who was molding me to be the wife that God created me to be.
This has been my biggest motivation on why I have taken my submission to my husband to a greater level ... and that is to be a good example to all wives out there. I want to let them know that it can be done. I want them to see that a woman leader like me has done it and is now reaping the benefits in her marriage. Let this be your challenge too.
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are in a very challenging position.
I understand how difficult it is to be a follower when you’ve been a leader almost all your life. I know how hard it is to submit to someone who you feel is behind you in this walk. I am aware of the struggle when you have to concede, knowing that you have the right answer.
God knows this too well which is why He said that our submission to our husbands should be AS UNTO HIM.
Indeed it is easier for a young bride (and I am talking of age here, early 20’s) to submit to her husband than for a 30 + wife who has been previously married or who has lived an independent life. It is also easier for a wife, whose husband exceeds her far greater in all aspects, to submit to him rather than a wife who is way ahead of her husband. Too bad God didn’t give us conditions. He didn’t separate the young wife from the older wife. His instructions for wives cut across age and situation.
So if you are this kind of leader wife and you are finding it very difficult to submit, let me give you some piece of advice.
Think of it as a mission you need to accomplish.
As a leader you love to accomplish goals and fulfill visions and missions. Look at your marriage this way, more so in the area of submitting to your husband. Think of it as some project assigned to you that you need to finish. Take the challenge and do it.
Put yourself in his shoes.
Do you realize how “less of man” you probably make your husband feel sometimes? Put yourself in his shoes for a moment and think of how he feels to have a wife like you who is ahead of him in a lot of ways.
Use your leadership skills to teach him how to be one.
If you are truly the leader that you are, then teach your husband how to be one. The most effective method in teaching is by example. I didn’t realize this until my husband told me one day. By just observing me – in my prayer life, how I interact with others, how I set boundaries with certain people, how I set goals and accomplish them, and how I discipline myself – he was learning from me. So many times I hear my husband counsel other men and saying the same things I said to him. That really makes me smile, knowing that he has learned from me.
Do it to express your love for God.
How much do you love God? Jesus Himself said that if we love Him then we should obey Him. So if you truly love God then submit to your husband, for God, out of your love for Him.
Change your mindset.
Women leaders like me have been programmed to think that our authority and power comes from our being leaders. We feel powerful when we are in control. We feel less of a leader when we lose that control. Submission is about losing control which makes it difficult for women leaders. If this is the way you think, I suggest that you start changing your mindset. Remember, everything about God’s principles is the reverse of the world’s principles.
Matthew 20:26-27 It must not be this way among you! Instead whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave
John 13:16 I tell you the solemn truth, the slave is not greater than his master, nor is the one who is sent as a messenger greater than the one who sent him.
Matthew 23:12 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.
If you are the type of woman who is competitive and who thrives on challenges, here is a good one for you ... It takes more strength to submit than to control.
Be the leader that you are for other wives.
Do you realize how many wives are struggling to submit to their husbands? I am realizing this more than ever now. A sister in the Lord even told me recently that after reading my articles she thought I was being brainwashed. Later on she realized that I was indeed brainwashed by the Holy Spirit who was molding me to be the wife that God created me to be.
This has been my biggest motivation on why I have taken my submission to my husband to a greater level ... and that is to be a good example to all wives out there. I want to let them know that it can be done. I want them to see that a woman leader like me has done it and is now reaping the benefits in her marriage. Let this be your challenge too.
Lisa Maki is the founder, publisher, and editor of God'z Gurlz. More about Lisa at ...
http://www.godzgurlz.com/regular-contributors.html
http://www.godzgurlz.com/regular-contributors.html
