WARRIOR BRIDE
DECEMBER 2012
by Lisa Maki
If I were to look at all the Scriptures in the Bible pertaining to being a wife, I can honestly say that it is tough! Talk about submission, quiet spirit, modesty, and discreetness – these are character traits that are not very easy for women to adapt to, more so in today’s times. In fact, most Christian women got saved after a divorce, when they were already single moms, when they were already bosses in their jobs, or when they were already performing some leadership roles. These women have also been through some tough times – divorce, domestic violence, sexual abuse, betrayal, deception, etc. Given this background of women, it is not easy for them to embrace what God expects of them as wives.
I for one was already 33 when I got saved. I was divorced and a single mom to two boys. I was also managing my own business and was very self-sufficient. Transitioning from the secular world to ministry was not difficult for me. Nothing much changed. I was still leading people and doing what I loved to do: public speaking and writing. It was in marriage where I experienced all the resistance and struggle in my flesh.
Submission became a challenge for me not because I didn’t want to submit but because I thought I knew more than my husband in other areas. Having a quiet spirit didn’t come easy for me either because I have been trained to speak out for my rights. Respecting my husband was another area where I struggled with, not because I am a disrespectful person but because there were things he did which I thought were not worthy of respect. And yet, in all these, God did not accept any of my excuses. He made me obey His Word for what it is ... no ifs and buts. That’s when I realized that being a wife is a tough job – tougher than being a mother or a leader for that matter.
So if you are a single woman of God and you think you’re tough, try being a wife and let’s see if you can still be tough the way you perceive “toughness” to be. Once you become a wife, your strength is not anymore on your leadership or your ability to overcome sin, but on your ability to bow down and surrender. Your strength will come not by the amount of words you say and how powerful you say it, but in the least amount of words you say and how in humility you can concede to your husband, even if he is wrong. Your strength will come not by you fighting for your rights but from you forgetting about your rights.
Now tell me, are all these easy to do? ... Not at all! However, it is doing the more difficult things that make you a stronger person. Didn’t Jesus Himself say: “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many”?
Following God’s standards for wives is like entering the narrow gate. Many choose to enter through the wide gate. This gate doesn’t have rules on submission, respect, quiet spirit, and everything else that the Bible says. Sad to say, no marriage will ever work the way God designed it unless His standards are followed. This means that unless we totally submit to what God says in His Word about our roles as wives, our marriage will not succeed from God’s perspective.
When I made my vow to my husband as unto the Lord, I signed up to enter the narrow gate. I enlisted myself as a “warrior bride”. I didn’t realize it then but I do now. And this is what I want you to realize as well ... more so for those of you who are preparing for marriage.
Being enlisted in God’s army as a warrior bride is no different from being enlisted in any army. In fact, it is even tougher because the war we are fighting is not against flesh-and-blood, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12). Being enlisted in God’s army requires a lot of emotional, mental, and spiritual training. No wonder I got so exhausted and almost quit. I didn’t understand I was in training. Actually, the training started when I was single ... through the hurts and pains I’ve been through ... through all my painful experiences. The training intensified in the marriage itself. Had I known this back then, I would have easily surrendered to the regimen, knowing that it was part of my calling.
Now that I know, I look at every trial I go through in my marriage as another set of training I have to engage in, to make me a better warrior. And if I go through all my training successfully, it will produce in me the following character:
For every character build-up is an equivalent training course with a series of tests that I have to pass. Let’s take “possessing a gentle and quiet spirit” as an example. This is one test that I had to retake over and over again. The test includes a scenario where my husband is correcting me for something that I feel I don’t need any correction for. I fight for what I believe is true and he insists on what he believes is right. I hear the Holy Spirit telling me to shut up but I still continue to talk. Feel me? This is what I’m talking about. This is the kind of test a warrior bride like me goes through very often. And when I pass the test, then I am promoted to the next level with a new set of tests.
When we start looking at our being wives and help-meets this way, then every trial we go through is worth going through. There will be less resistance on our part because we know that it is producing in us greater warrior brides. At the end of the day, it is not just our being “brides” to our husbands that we are being trained for. More than this, we are being trained to be the “bride” of Jesus.
I for one was already 33 when I got saved. I was divorced and a single mom to two boys. I was also managing my own business and was very self-sufficient. Transitioning from the secular world to ministry was not difficult for me. Nothing much changed. I was still leading people and doing what I loved to do: public speaking and writing. It was in marriage where I experienced all the resistance and struggle in my flesh.
Submission became a challenge for me not because I didn’t want to submit but because I thought I knew more than my husband in other areas. Having a quiet spirit didn’t come easy for me either because I have been trained to speak out for my rights. Respecting my husband was another area where I struggled with, not because I am a disrespectful person but because there were things he did which I thought were not worthy of respect. And yet, in all these, God did not accept any of my excuses. He made me obey His Word for what it is ... no ifs and buts. That’s when I realized that being a wife is a tough job – tougher than being a mother or a leader for that matter.
So if you are a single woman of God and you think you’re tough, try being a wife and let’s see if you can still be tough the way you perceive “toughness” to be. Once you become a wife, your strength is not anymore on your leadership or your ability to overcome sin, but on your ability to bow down and surrender. Your strength will come not by the amount of words you say and how powerful you say it, but in the least amount of words you say and how in humility you can concede to your husband, even if he is wrong. Your strength will come not by you fighting for your rights but from you forgetting about your rights.
Now tell me, are all these easy to do? ... Not at all! However, it is doing the more difficult things that make you a stronger person. Didn’t Jesus Himself say: “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many”?
Following God’s standards for wives is like entering the narrow gate. Many choose to enter through the wide gate. This gate doesn’t have rules on submission, respect, quiet spirit, and everything else that the Bible says. Sad to say, no marriage will ever work the way God designed it unless His standards are followed. This means that unless we totally submit to what God says in His Word about our roles as wives, our marriage will not succeed from God’s perspective.
When I made my vow to my husband as unto the Lord, I signed up to enter the narrow gate. I enlisted myself as a “warrior bride”. I didn’t realize it then but I do now. And this is what I want you to realize as well ... more so for those of you who are preparing for marriage.
Being enlisted in God’s army as a warrior bride is no different from being enlisted in any army. In fact, it is even tougher because the war we are fighting is not against flesh-and-blood, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12). Being enlisted in God’s army requires a lot of emotional, mental, and spiritual training. No wonder I got so exhausted and almost quit. I didn’t understand I was in training. Actually, the training started when I was single ... through the hurts and pains I’ve been through ... through all my painful experiences. The training intensified in the marriage itself. Had I known this back then, I would have easily surrendered to the regimen, knowing that it was part of my calling.
Now that I know, I look at every trial I go through in my marriage as another set of training I have to engage in, to make me a better warrior. And if I go through all my training successfully, it will produce in me the following character:
- Highly submissive wife;
- Possessing a gentle and quiet spirit;
- Prudent wife;
- Worthy of respect;
- Highly respectful of my husband;
- Temperate and trustworthy;
- Strong and dignified;
- Joyful spirit;
- Speaks with wisdom; and
- Good manager of the affairs of my household, among others.
For every character build-up is an equivalent training course with a series of tests that I have to pass. Let’s take “possessing a gentle and quiet spirit” as an example. This is one test that I had to retake over and over again. The test includes a scenario where my husband is correcting me for something that I feel I don’t need any correction for. I fight for what I believe is true and he insists on what he believes is right. I hear the Holy Spirit telling me to shut up but I still continue to talk. Feel me? This is what I’m talking about. This is the kind of test a warrior bride like me goes through very often. And when I pass the test, then I am promoted to the next level with a new set of tests.
When we start looking at our being wives and help-meets this way, then every trial we go through is worth going through. There will be less resistance on our part because we know that it is producing in us greater warrior brides. At the end of the day, it is not just our being “brides” to our husbands that we are being trained for. More than this, we are being trained to be the “bride” of Jesus.
Lisa Maki is the founder, publisher, and editor of God'z Gurlz. More about Lisa at ...
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