WHY YOUNG GIRLS FALL FOR OLDER MEN
FEBRUARY 2013
Lisa Maki
I don’t remember when and how it started. I just didn’t want any guy younger than me, not even the same age as I was. I thought they were so immature. And since I grew up more mature than other girls, it made it more difficult for me to relate to guys my age.
I’ve been with men older than me by 4, 10, 11, and 17 years. I believe this had a lot to do with my hunger for a father’s love, which I believe is the reason for most, if not all girls, who also fall for older men.
So what is it about older men that make them attractive to younger girls?
Older men seem to be wiser and more sure about themselves. They also appear to be more responsible and stable. These characteristics fulfill any woman’s need to be protected and taken cared of. There’s just something about being with an older man that makes a younger girl feel very safe and secure.
Although these reasons are not bad at all, there are still a lot of things to consider when you prefer an older guy. I am not talking about a five to seven year age difference but a 10 + years difference. You may not see anything wrong now but eventually you will.
First of all, most older men are married. I’ve heard of stories from younger girls who were tricked and deceived into believing that they were dating a single guy, only to find out that he’s married. But then it’s too late because she is pregnant with his baby. I have a friend who is an ex-prostitute. And you know how she ended up in prostitution? Because she met an older man who made her believe that he loved her, only to pimp her to other men.
This is of course the very obvious bad side. You can be dating a man 15 years older than you and he is single and willing to marry you someday. What’s wrong with that? Right? Well, not really right. If you are 18 now and you are dating a man who is 35 and you end up married to him, by the time you are 25, he will be 42. This can be pretty challenging.
I have a friend who met her man when she was only 17. He is 28 years older than her. A few years later they got married. Both of them surrendered their lives to Jesus, which made their marriage even stronger. But then, years later, I began to see the problem. Her husband wanted to retire in a quiet place but she wanted to stay in the city. While her life was just starting, his life was ending. They are now separated.
As I’ve mentioned earlier, I’ve been with men who were much older than me. Had I ended up with any of them in marriage, they would have been in their 50’s and even 60’s by now. This would have been a big challenge for me.
And it’s not only the younger women who have problems as a result of being with older men. The men too, go through big time problems from being with younger women. It may work fine at the start but eventually, the man will feel that he is taking care of a kid when he is in need of a best friend and help-meet.
I am not trying to stop you from falling for older men. I am warning you against it. Check your heart and find out what issues are leading you to prefer a much older man than boys your age or at least closer to your age. If you are yearning for a father figure, being with a man old enough to be your Dad will not help at all. No one but God can ever fill the void that the absence of a father’s love has left in your heart. No man can do this for you.
If your preference for much older men is due to your desire for a man of wisdom, let me tell you something. I thought this way too back then. But after I discovered Jesus, I began to realize that only those who are totally surrendered to Christ have the wisdom that surpasses the wisdom of the wisest men in this planet. My husband is younger than me but he has the wisdom of a man way beyond his age because of Jesus in him.
If you prefer older men because of the stability and sense of security they project, again let me tell you something about this. If that stability and sense of security is not anchored on Jesus, it will crumble. I know women who chose older men because they were rich, only to be so broke years later. The strength that you see in these older men will soon be gone in a few years, unless they draw their strength from the Lord.
Unless it is God’s perfect will for you to end up with a man much older than you, any other reason is futile to me. At the end of the day, common sense still matters a lot. And it is just common sense to think that a very big age gap will present big problems along the way in a relationship.
I’ve been with men older than me by 4, 10, 11, and 17 years. I believe this had a lot to do with my hunger for a father’s love, which I believe is the reason for most, if not all girls, who also fall for older men.
So what is it about older men that make them attractive to younger girls?
Older men seem to be wiser and more sure about themselves. They also appear to be more responsible and stable. These characteristics fulfill any woman’s need to be protected and taken cared of. There’s just something about being with an older man that makes a younger girl feel very safe and secure.
Although these reasons are not bad at all, there are still a lot of things to consider when you prefer an older guy. I am not talking about a five to seven year age difference but a 10 + years difference. You may not see anything wrong now but eventually you will.
First of all, most older men are married. I’ve heard of stories from younger girls who were tricked and deceived into believing that they were dating a single guy, only to find out that he’s married. But then it’s too late because she is pregnant with his baby. I have a friend who is an ex-prostitute. And you know how she ended up in prostitution? Because she met an older man who made her believe that he loved her, only to pimp her to other men.
This is of course the very obvious bad side. You can be dating a man 15 years older than you and he is single and willing to marry you someday. What’s wrong with that? Right? Well, not really right. If you are 18 now and you are dating a man who is 35 and you end up married to him, by the time you are 25, he will be 42. This can be pretty challenging.
I have a friend who met her man when she was only 17. He is 28 years older than her. A few years later they got married. Both of them surrendered their lives to Jesus, which made their marriage even stronger. But then, years later, I began to see the problem. Her husband wanted to retire in a quiet place but she wanted to stay in the city. While her life was just starting, his life was ending. They are now separated.
As I’ve mentioned earlier, I’ve been with men who were much older than me. Had I ended up with any of them in marriage, they would have been in their 50’s and even 60’s by now. This would have been a big challenge for me.
And it’s not only the younger women who have problems as a result of being with older men. The men too, go through big time problems from being with younger women. It may work fine at the start but eventually, the man will feel that he is taking care of a kid when he is in need of a best friend and help-meet.
I am not trying to stop you from falling for older men. I am warning you against it. Check your heart and find out what issues are leading you to prefer a much older man than boys your age or at least closer to your age. If you are yearning for a father figure, being with a man old enough to be your Dad will not help at all. No one but God can ever fill the void that the absence of a father’s love has left in your heart. No man can do this for you.
If your preference for much older men is due to your desire for a man of wisdom, let me tell you something. I thought this way too back then. But after I discovered Jesus, I began to realize that only those who are totally surrendered to Christ have the wisdom that surpasses the wisdom of the wisest men in this planet. My husband is younger than me but he has the wisdom of a man way beyond his age because of Jesus in him.
If you prefer older men because of the stability and sense of security they project, again let me tell you something about this. If that stability and sense of security is not anchored on Jesus, it will crumble. I know women who chose older men because they were rich, only to be so broke years later. The strength that you see in these older men will soon be gone in a few years, unless they draw their strength from the Lord.
Unless it is God’s perfect will for you to end up with a man much older than you, any other reason is futile to me. At the end of the day, common sense still matters a lot. And it is just common sense to think that a very big age gap will present big problems along the way in a relationship.
Lisa Maki is the founder, publisher, and editor of God'z Gurlz. More about Lisa at ...
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