WOMEN ARE WISER
DECEMBER 2012
by Lisa Maki
Are women really wiser than men? Or are they simply craving to be wiser than men? This article is meant to answer this question.
In my conversations with wives, it seems like one of the root causes of lack of respect for the husband is the mindset that they know better than their husbands. Let me give you an example. A husband tells his wife that he is buying a used car and the wife believes that her husband is not good with managing finances, and therefore makes wrong decisions all the time. She already made up her mind that he is unwise in his purchases. She stops him from making a “stupid” (based on what she feels and believes) decision and puts her foot down. Meanwhile, the husband feels resentful of her and gets convinced that he is unwise and stupid.
In reality, what the husband was trying to do was buy a car which he believes is a real good deal, do some minor changes on it, then sell it for double the price he bought it for. He wants to do something productive since he loves tinkering with cars. And he also wants to bring extra money on the table. Actually, he was thinking of their upcoming anniversary and having extra money to spend for an overnight stay in some nice hotel. Unfortunately, the wife didn’t see this because she has made up her mind about her husband’s purchases.
Do you see the big problem here? It is when we start feeling wiser than our husbands that we lose respect for them and their decisions, and then decide to take over. These two (losing respect and taking over) are totally against the Word of God with regards to our role as wives.
So where does this “feeling wiser” come from? Why do most women feel this way? I believe the answer goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden.
Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden;3 but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’” Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings (Genesis 3:1-6)
The devil knew surely well what the weakness of the woman was. He could have said, “For the day you eat of it your skin will start glowing” ... or “you will be more beautiful than ever”. He knew that the woman’s weakness was the desire to be wiser. This has been the nature of women since the very beginning of time.
I don’t know about you but even during my worldly days I’ve always had the desire to be wiser. I wanted to be better than other girls. I didn’t want to be one of those hot chicks. I wanted to be one of the smart girls. Actually, I wanted both and I worked hard to achieve these. There is just something about being wise that puts you in a higher category than everyone else.
After I got saved, I desired to even be much wiser. I remember seeking the Bible for Scriptures on wisdom, which eventually led me to “the fear of the Lord”. My point here is that even as a Christian, I desired to be wise. And though there is nothing wrong with seeking for godly wisdom, my desire for it is still connected to the nature of Eve that caused her downfall and the fall of the entire humanity for that matter. And if I am not careful, this same pursuit of wisdom can lead to my downfall and the downfall of my marriage.
This holds particularly true for women leaders. I was a minister and single mom before I married my husband. I had a very intimate and strong relationship with Jesus. I have been soaking in His presence and reading the Word years before I met my promised man. I’ve had visitations and have been receiving deep revelations from the Spirit of God. In short, I was pretty stable and sure about my knowledge and understanding of God and His Word, and continued to take it to a higher level.
I believe that most Christian women are like me. We crave for intimacy with Jesus. We long for revelations. We desire wisdom. This is all good, but at the same time it also brings about a “wiser than our husbands” mindset and attitude.
Just recently I met the wife of a brother in the Lord. They have been having major problems in their marriage but I’ve always heard one side ... the side of the husband. So it was good that I finally met his wife. The funny part was when I met her, she was carrying a real big Bible and the first words she said to me were: “I’ve been reading my Bible sister and I’ve been praying for my husband”. She then told me all the problems her husband was going through and said that she has been praying for him and that she can only do so much. She sounded so detached from his problem, as if it was his problem and not hers. Yet she kept saying, “I have been praying for him” and she told me of all her plans, which actually do not include him. This is the kind of spirit I am talking about. In her mind she was way above her husband in wisdom and even in their spiritual walk. She looked at him as someone who needed help, not someone she should help. She looked at him as someone who didn’t know what to do, not someone she should encourage to do what God has called him to do.
Think about the many times you corrected your husband over something, or you took over in deciding over something. Think about the many times you made him feel inferior only because you felt you knew better. Think about the many times you embarrassed him in front of others because you contradicted what he said. Think about the times you acted more like a mother to him than a help-meet.
Stop making excuses. Look at yourself in the mirror now and let God expose to you how you have disrespected your husband just because of this mindset that you are wiser. I will do the same thing because I am just as guilty as you are.
God put our husbands above us. He instructed us to respect them, regardless of whether they are respectable or not. Let’s give them this prerogative. Let’s give them the respect they rightfully deserve, more so knowing that we are doing it for God. Let’s look at them more highly than ourselves, more so when it comes to wisdom. Let’s allow them to make their own mistakes, so that God can fully perform His work in them. Let’s allow them to be the man of the house by allowing them to make their own decisions, even if we think it is foolish. In all these, let’s continue to trust God, knowing that our husbands are in His care.
So the next time your husband tells you of a decision he will make –whether it is a car purchase, a business transaction, a ministry connection, or whatever ... even if you disagree with it, and even if you feel that it is not a good move, let him know how you feel but leave the final say to him. Then you can bring the matter before the Lord and let Him handle it.
It’s really all about trusting God more than our husbands. It actually makes it a lot easier for us if we turn over the matter to God, and let Him be God.
In my conversations with wives, it seems like one of the root causes of lack of respect for the husband is the mindset that they know better than their husbands. Let me give you an example. A husband tells his wife that he is buying a used car and the wife believes that her husband is not good with managing finances, and therefore makes wrong decisions all the time. She already made up her mind that he is unwise in his purchases. She stops him from making a “stupid” (based on what she feels and believes) decision and puts her foot down. Meanwhile, the husband feels resentful of her and gets convinced that he is unwise and stupid.
In reality, what the husband was trying to do was buy a car which he believes is a real good deal, do some minor changes on it, then sell it for double the price he bought it for. He wants to do something productive since he loves tinkering with cars. And he also wants to bring extra money on the table. Actually, he was thinking of their upcoming anniversary and having extra money to spend for an overnight stay in some nice hotel. Unfortunately, the wife didn’t see this because she has made up her mind about her husband’s purchases.
Do you see the big problem here? It is when we start feeling wiser than our husbands that we lose respect for them and their decisions, and then decide to take over. These two (losing respect and taking over) are totally against the Word of God with regards to our role as wives.
So where does this “feeling wiser” come from? Why do most women feel this way? I believe the answer goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden.
Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden;3 but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’” Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings (Genesis 3:1-6)
The devil knew surely well what the weakness of the woman was. He could have said, “For the day you eat of it your skin will start glowing” ... or “you will be more beautiful than ever”. He knew that the woman’s weakness was the desire to be wiser. This has been the nature of women since the very beginning of time.
I don’t know about you but even during my worldly days I’ve always had the desire to be wiser. I wanted to be better than other girls. I didn’t want to be one of those hot chicks. I wanted to be one of the smart girls. Actually, I wanted both and I worked hard to achieve these. There is just something about being wise that puts you in a higher category than everyone else.
After I got saved, I desired to even be much wiser. I remember seeking the Bible for Scriptures on wisdom, which eventually led me to “the fear of the Lord”. My point here is that even as a Christian, I desired to be wise. And though there is nothing wrong with seeking for godly wisdom, my desire for it is still connected to the nature of Eve that caused her downfall and the fall of the entire humanity for that matter. And if I am not careful, this same pursuit of wisdom can lead to my downfall and the downfall of my marriage.
This holds particularly true for women leaders. I was a minister and single mom before I married my husband. I had a very intimate and strong relationship with Jesus. I have been soaking in His presence and reading the Word years before I met my promised man. I’ve had visitations and have been receiving deep revelations from the Spirit of God. In short, I was pretty stable and sure about my knowledge and understanding of God and His Word, and continued to take it to a higher level.
I believe that most Christian women are like me. We crave for intimacy with Jesus. We long for revelations. We desire wisdom. This is all good, but at the same time it also brings about a “wiser than our husbands” mindset and attitude.
Just recently I met the wife of a brother in the Lord. They have been having major problems in their marriage but I’ve always heard one side ... the side of the husband. So it was good that I finally met his wife. The funny part was when I met her, she was carrying a real big Bible and the first words she said to me were: “I’ve been reading my Bible sister and I’ve been praying for my husband”. She then told me all the problems her husband was going through and said that she has been praying for him and that she can only do so much. She sounded so detached from his problem, as if it was his problem and not hers. Yet she kept saying, “I have been praying for him” and she told me of all her plans, which actually do not include him. This is the kind of spirit I am talking about. In her mind she was way above her husband in wisdom and even in their spiritual walk. She looked at him as someone who needed help, not someone she should help. She looked at him as someone who didn’t know what to do, not someone she should encourage to do what God has called him to do.
Think about the many times you corrected your husband over something, or you took over in deciding over something. Think about the many times you made him feel inferior only because you felt you knew better. Think about the many times you embarrassed him in front of others because you contradicted what he said. Think about the times you acted more like a mother to him than a help-meet.
Stop making excuses. Look at yourself in the mirror now and let God expose to you how you have disrespected your husband just because of this mindset that you are wiser. I will do the same thing because I am just as guilty as you are.
God put our husbands above us. He instructed us to respect them, regardless of whether they are respectable or not. Let’s give them this prerogative. Let’s give them the respect they rightfully deserve, more so knowing that we are doing it for God. Let’s look at them more highly than ourselves, more so when it comes to wisdom. Let’s allow them to make their own mistakes, so that God can fully perform His work in them. Let’s allow them to be the man of the house by allowing them to make their own decisions, even if we think it is foolish. In all these, let’s continue to trust God, knowing that our husbands are in His care.
So the next time your husband tells you of a decision he will make –whether it is a car purchase, a business transaction, a ministry connection, or whatever ... even if you disagree with it, and even if you feel that it is not a good move, let him know how you feel but leave the final say to him. Then you can bring the matter before the Lord and let Him handle it.
It’s really all about trusting God more than our husbands. It actually makes it a lot easier for us if we turn over the matter to God, and let Him be God.
Lisa Maki is the founder, publisher, and editor of God'z Gurlz. More about Lisa at ...
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